I Am Not Afraid To Walk This World Alone

Take The Pain, Take The Pleasure, I'm The Master Of Both.

D-POV

I drove away from that house for what felt like hours but had only been about 20 minutes, before I pulled up on the side of the road, Baby's engine grumbling with the lack of movement. I turned the engine off and got out of the car, locking it and walking over to the cliff edge I had pulled up to, digging my hands deep into my pockets as the cold wind whipped past me. I shuddered at the sudden breeze and drew in a sharp breath, wrinkling my nose at the sight of dark clouds.

I walked over to the edge of the cliff and sat down. I thought about what I had done to Michael. I regretted it. I know that sounds stupid considering exactly what I did. But I regretted it.

I thought about what I had done to Castiel. I felt bad for that too.

God, I'm such a horrible person!!

I push away everyone who cares about me. Everyone who loves me knows me, likes me. Ugh, what have I done?!

A harsh breeze whipped up the cliff face and blew my hair out of style and pushed my jacket back, billowing it like a flag. I shuddered once more as my eyes darted across the horizon, gazing at the setting sun.

My thoughts flitted back to Castiel. What I had done to him.

"Ever wonder 'bout what he's doing?" I sang, softly, to no one in particular, "How it's all turned to lies." I pulled the front of my jacket together in an attempt to trap any remaining body heat.

"Sometimes I think that it's better," I subconsciously licked my lips and pulled my knees up to my chest, embracing them, "To never ask why."

A few birds flew overhead, gawking in the faint dusk. I envied the seagulls. They were free. They could go anywhere they wanted to. I couldn't. I have a limited vicinity of where I can go.

"Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame," I sang, standing up and letting go of my jacket, allowing it to be blown about by the harsh winds, "Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned."

I started to walk back to my car, looking at the ground. I daren't look up out of fear that someone would be standing there. Someone I didn't want to talk to right now. Someone like Castiel.

"But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die," I unlocked my car and slid into the driver's seat, blasting the AC, "You gotta get up and try, and try, and try. Gotta get up and try, and try, and try."

I suddenly realized that the only way I could redeem myself was to try. Was to apologize to all of those I have hurt and plead for their forgiveness. It may sound crazy but it is something I am willing to do.

"Funny how the heart can be deceiving, more than just a couple times," I started to ask myself if I ever really loved Lisa or even if I just got with her in favor of spiting Cas. Ugh, I'm such a horrible person, "Why do we fall in love so easy?" I rested my head back on the chair of my car, closing my eyes.

"Even when it's not right" I started the car and began driving down the road, "Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame, where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned."

After about half an hour, I pulled up outside the hospital and turned the engine off, "But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die. You gotta get up and try, and try, and try."

It was time to pull my life together. I had to make things right. Michael had done nothing wrong his entire life and I was such an ass to him. For no reason.

"Ever worry that it might be ruined and does it make you wanna cry," I stepped out of my car and began walking towards the white building, "When you're out there doing what you're doing, are you just getting by."