I Am Not Afraid To Walk This World Alone

I'd Rather Be Dry But Atleast I'm Alive

M-POV
When I woke up, I was still lying on the grass in front of Dean's house. The ground was wet and my clothes stuck to my skin. I shivered from the cold and pulled my jacket further around me as I sat up. 

God, I thought, this place is a mess! There were beer cans everywhere. Plastic cups littering the entire garden. Glass bottles taking over the flower bed. I huffed and stumbled towards the front door. My leg had gone numb from being outside in the cold all night. Also, I think I twisted it as I fell. Some guy had passed out in the doorway so thankfully the door wasn't shut. 

I stepped over the man and audibly gasped at the sight of my brother's house. There were topless people everywhere, litter covering every piece of floor that didn't have somebody's body or dinner on it. The whole house stunk. It was disgusting. 

I could see Cas passed out on the couch with his legs stretched across it and a brown blanket hanging over his lap. I smiled at his tousled hair, flying off and sticking in every direction. His pale eyelids covering his ocean blue eyes. His pink lips, curved to a point but partly separated as he slept. His jawline: carved by the Gods. His carefully sculpted nose that sat in the middle of his face, pointing and leading my eyes back to his sinuous lips. His pale but pink, curved, pointed, chapped lips. I was drawn to them. They were like a magnet and I was the wayward pin trying to repel the urge to get closer and closer. If I had stared any longer, I might have just given into the force pulling me towards him. Alas, I tore my eyes away from Cas and tripped over many different people until I found myself at the bottom of the stairs. 

My thoughts filtered back to the blue-eyed man laying on the couch. Without thinking, I walked over to him no matter how many times I wanted to turn around. I found myself sitting down on the coffee table in front of the couch. Gasping, I felt his cold, calloused fingers brush against the skin of my leg which was partly exposed from the large rip in my skinny jeans. Up close I could see the shaded stubble growing across his jawline and up to his cheek. Oh, how I wanted to graze my teeth across his skin, press my nose into his neck, run my thumb across his lips. God, this man really was like a magnet. 

Huffing, I stood up and walked back out the front door, falling to my knees as I reached the grass. Tears began to pour from my eyes, down my cheeks, and slowly began to drop off my chin, landing on my legs. 

"Please, God... just let me be happy, please?" I begged to nobody, "Just once." Out of nowhere, it started to rain. The silver droplets of moisture splashing from the sky like a hosepipe. Quickly, the rain began to soak through my clothing to my skin until I was just about dripping. 

"I didn't ask for a free ride!" I sang, shouting at the sky as if any celestial being out there would hear me, "I only asked you to show me a real good time," The rain fell harder as a harsh wind whipped past me, bellowing my jacket and making me shudder from the sudden change in temperature. 

"I never asked for the rainfall, at least I showed up, you showed me nothing at all," I choked back a sob, pushing my way through the metal gate at the end of the garden and ran down the road. I didn't know how long I was running before I realised I was in the middle of a grassy field. 

"It's coming down on me, water like misery," I fell to my knees, again, sobbing at the sky, "It's coming down on me. I'm ready, rain on me." I ran my fingers through my hair, tears running down my cheeks as I collapsed backward onto the dewy grass. 

"I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive. Rain on me, rain, rain,"  I stretched into the earthy ground, staring at the sky as the grey clouds raced each other to the western horizon, "I'd rather be dry, but least I'm alive. Rain on me, rain, rain."

"Rain... On... Me!" I shouted the sky and to any celestial being that could hear me... if there even was one. I took a deep breath in, feeling the icy cold wind burn down my throat, instantly cooling down my insides.  I smiled, thinking about everything that has happened in the last year. 

I moved house.

"Living in a world where no one's innocent."

I met Lucifer, the love of my life.

"Oh, but at least we try."

I got admitted to Roosevelt Asylum.

"Gotta live my truth, not keep it bottled in."

I escaped from the asylum and tried to kill myself but Lucifer saved me.

"So I don't lose my mind."

I kissed Castiel.

"I can feel it on my skin."

I slept with Castiel the night before his wedding.

"It's coming down on me."

Castiel and Dean nearly got married.

"Teardrops on my face."

I slept with Lucifer in Cas' car.

"Water like misery."

I had the best sex ever with Castiel.

"Let it wash away my sins."

Cas and Dean had a killer 'wedding' party.

"It's coming down on me."

I became invisible and lost Lucifer.

"Let it wash away."

I realised that I'm in love with my brother's husband-to-be.

"I'd rather be dry but at least I'm alive."

Maybe he's not everything I want... everything I need. What if... he's just everything I want to be.

"Rain on me, rain, rain, rain on me."

I've always looked up to Castiel. Mostly because he has a fair few inches on me... but as (in the least weird way possible) a brother... a father figure I never really had... a friend... an idol. He's always been everything to me. Always.

"Hands up to the sky," I continued, smiling at the memory of the first time I met Castiel. His blue eyes shining in the Autumn sun, "I'll be your galaxy, I'm about to fly," His sapphire orbs the greatest contrast to the drab grey sky of late November.

"Rain on me, tsunami,"  I smiled, sitting up and leaning back on my hands, singing at the sky, "I'll be your galaxy, I'm about to fly." I closed my eyes, breathing the country air and feeling the hew drops on my face as the rain stopped. I slowly stood up and felt a sudden wave of dizziness overcome me. I pressed the palm of my hand to my forehead and screwing my eyes shut. 

"I hear the thunder coming down, won't you rain on me?" I sang, staring at a storm brewing on the horizon, "Rain on me." I ran down the hill and through the streets of Watsonshire. Stopping dead in my tracks, I turned and took a deep breath before walking up the drive of the house that felt like it belonged to a stranger. 

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply through my nose, raising my hand to the eagle head knocker and banged it on the door three times. After a moment of shuffling behind the door, a short ginger woman swung the door open with much more force than necessary. Her hair was messed up and she was standing in her dressing gown. She looked like Magenta from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

"Mikey?!"

SUPER IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE!!! PLEASE READ!!!!

SUP BITCHEZZZZ

LONG TIME NO SEE ASSHOLES

If you've been paying attention, you'll know who that it >:)

Anyway.... 

I have some bad news

I go back to college in 2 days so there are gonna be a lot fewer updates if that's even possible lately. I am so sorry about the lack of updates, I've been so busy lately and haven't had the time. 

However, I promise I will try and update at least once a week, if not every fortnight. 

So... yeah

I swear to Satan, you will all get a life time supply of cookies and milk after this is all over. 

Thank you for understanding :)

Until next time, my little Quinzels

Love you all :)