Love and War || A Sanders Sides AU

Chapter Eight

HEY I AM BACK with another chapter!!!!! Gosh, I'm just an evil person, aren't I? This chapter... oh, this chapter is one I'm quite proud of! Y'all are gonna hate me tho...XD

WARNINGS: PTSD, nightmares, talk of self-harm, arguments, self-isolation, self-deprecation, manipulation, food mentions, blaming oneself for abuse, mentions of abuse, Unsympathetic Patton, mentions of previous suicide, basically just a lot of bad feelings. :(

How fun. Let's get into this XD

Logan and Virgil got an offer for a very big partnership, though it would require them to go on another trip - to London this time. And even though it was in the summer, when Patton didn't have work. And they all wanted to go - there was a problem. The offer included the cost of travel and the hotel rooms for Virgil and Logan - and it was way too expensive for Roman and Patton to go with their own money - or even help from their boyfriends. They would have had to start budgeting much too far in advance. There was just no way all four of them could go. They were all disappointed, of course. But it was decided that if the trip went as planned, they'd have enough to start saving up for a vacation to plan the next summer.

Roman was nervous. More nervous than he could remember being for a while. He kept wondering if Patton would become different again, or if he would be okay. Nightmares started up again as the trip got closer, and Roman would wake up and try to sob as silently as he could until the terror passed.

Remy, unfortunately, noticed.

"Level with me here," he said as they sat in Starbucks one Monday morning. Roman looked at him with one of his wide false smiles. "Are you cutting again?"

"What?" Roman was surprised. He hadn't, he realized. The idea of giving Patton more reason to 'show him how beautiful he was' had stifled the urge to do that the first time he felt it after it all happened. "No, of course not!"

"Are you being honest?" Remy pulled off his sunglasses and Roman sighed.

"Yes! Why, why did you think I was cutting?"

"You seem upset." Remy shrugged. "Anxious."

"I've just got stuff going on, that's all." Roman rolled his eyes and Remy frowned.

"What stuff?"

"Just... work stuff. Writing, publishing, stacking books." Roman listed vaguely. "Can we talk about something else?"

"You don't usually keep secrets from me," Remy said unhappily. Roman winced. "Is it about me?"

"No!" Roman glared out the window at the stream of people walking by. "It's nothing, Rem. Honest."

"God, you're actually not going to tell me." Remy ran a hand through his hair, whistling slowly. "Are you shitting me right now?"

"I don't have to tell you everything!" Roman snapped. "I can have things I don't share with you."

"Yeah, well last time that happened you got slapped and dumped, so sorry if I'm trying to help!"

Roman sat back and stared at him, hurt squeezing his chest. Remy looked remorseful the moment he finished speaking, but he just closed his mouth and looked down at his latte, shaking his head.

"It's not my fault Nate slapped me," Roman said softly, collecting his things as he stood up. Remy's eyes widened and he looked up.

"Roman, that's not what I meant!" Roman ignored him, trying to keep from having a breakdown. "Roman!"

"I don't want to talk right now," Roman said, turning away from the table and walking to the exit. Remy called after him again, but Roman ignored him and hurried out, walking home as fast as he could in the hopes of getting to his room before bursting into tears.