Love and War || A Sanders Sides AU

Chapter Ten

READY FOR SOME MORE SHIT TO GO DOWN HAHA i'm procrastinating very important things by posting this and i'm going to fail all my classes and i will never amount to anything please help me BECAUSE I SURE AS HECK AM READY FOR SOME MORE SHIT TO GO DOWN MWAHAHA

anyways

have another chapter

WARNINGS: manipulation, non-consensual touching, non-consensual sexual themes, rape, abuse, manipulation, controlling the food eaten/starvation kinda shit, Unsympathetic Patton, lying, self-harm, arguing, blaming oneself for abuse/rape, basically just a ton of shit that Roman never deserved but here we are I won't apologize, food mentions, mentions of previous suicide

yee

Patton could tell he was upset when he got home. Roman didn't speak to him, but he didn't need to. Patton just wrapped him in one of those too-tight hugs, pulling him down into the corner of the sectional, to keep him trapped.

"Just let me make you feel better." he begged, wiping tears from Roman's eyes. "I just want to help you, RoRo. I hate seeing you so sad."

"Patt..." Roman finally spoke, protesting half-heartedly as Patton's hands acted before he finished speaking, going places Roman wanted them away from.

"RoRo, please." Patton gently kissed his forehead. "I'll help you, and then we'll watch Disney and order a pizza. Please." He paused, obviously not willing to go farther than he already had without 'consent'. Something Roman still had yet to give.

Tears rolled down Roman's face and he closed his eyes.

"Okay."

They did watch Disney, and they did order pizza. Roman didn't eat much, feeling too ill at what he'd let happen to eat without throwing up - which he'd already done before the pizza got there.

He was just tired. Tired of everything. Tired of Remy, who he knew was just trying to help. Tired of Writing, writing chapters and deleting them and not finishing the final edits he needed to. Tired of being the way he was, of despising the thing that Patton swore was supposed to bring them closer. Tired of Patton, who was becoming another person that Roman didn't know or love.

He was violent and rough, and Roman wondered in the back of his head if that was how he and Logan and Virgil usually interacted when they did this. If it was normal for everyone but him, and if Patton was right.

Roman knew he wasn't right. He knew it. Didn't he?

He had, once upon a time. He had been so sure of himself - so adamant that being sex-repulsed was normal. That he didn't need sex in order to be happy, or real, or even just alright. But even then, he'd kept it a secret.

He'd been afraid of it, and didn't that say something? Didn't the fact that he never told Nate he was ace after they'd been dating for over a year, prove that he could be wrong? Didn't the fact that he let Mark push him back into the closet show that maybe Roman had been wrong for his entire life? Didn't the fact that he was letting Patton do this now, even consenting verbally despite the way he hated it, show that he was in need of fixing?

Roman didn't know. He honestly didn't, and it scared him.

He'd lost his best friend - the only person who fully knew his past - because of this argument. He'd lost everything, hadn't he?

Virgil and Logan skyped again that night, and Roman was trying his best to act like everything was fine and he wasn't in the middle of an identity crisis.

"My loves! My two darling boyfriends who I miss so much it aches, how's London? You seeing the sights?"

"Stressful." Virgil groaned, rubbing his eyes.