PARIS | Kylian Mbappe

65 | Make or Break

"Bullshit!", I said loudly as I squinted my eyes.

"Just listen for a second, I-", Kylian said trying to get his words out. He was mid way through explaining the whole Vegas situation but with every word he said I wanted to strangle him more.

"No Kylian! You want me to sit here and believe that you did it 'because you got drunk', you are not even legal to drink in Vegas!", I said.

He sighed scratching his head, I could see his frustration but I didn't care. "Savanna!", he said sharply. "Just shut up for two seconds and let me finish what I am going to say". As I huffed, I folded my arms, my gritted teeth grinding together as I sat back on the couch. I don't know if I was upset because he was about to explain how he had kissed someone else or the fact I had to sit here and not say anything. "Ok, listen I fucked up but hand on my heart, it was not intentional. Obviously when we got the drinks in, I took a few; it's Vegas, me drinking because I'm only 20 instead of 21 is the least illegal thing about that place. Anyway once I started to have a few, I had some more, and some more, I didn't want to be there in the first place so I guess I drank a lot to maybe at least try and have a good time and well, one thing led to another and it just happened but listen, I don't remember much of it and if you know me like I hope you do, you would know I would never, ever do anything like that on purpose to upset you, you mean so fucking much to me Sav and I am beyond disheartened that I have done this to you, I'm sorry".

I couldn't look at him, inside I was raging but on the outside as I sat with my legs crossed and arms folded, I was eerily calm. As I saw him reach for my hand out the corner of my eye, I snapped it away. "Sav, say something", he said.

I breathed. "I'm not angry", I said not daring to look at his face as I heard him stay silent waiting for me to continue. "I'm just so fucking gutted and beyond heartbroken you were able to do this shit, then come back and look me straight in the eyes and act like everything was ok".

"I was scared", he whispered as I could of sworn a tear was brewing in his eye. "I didn't want to lose you and I knew for sure this would break us apart and I was so scared about that".

"People fuck up shit all the time, Kylian, everyone does it...", I sighed as he looked at me with hopeful eyes, his pupils getting bigger by the second as he waited for the next words out my mouth. "...but we have the decency to own up to it, unlike you".

"Savanna-...", he sighed, his head sinking.

"Kylian you broke my fucking heart, you made me feel like shit when you were on the plane making me feel so small when you spoke to me like a piece of shit when really it was you all along who fucked up, you just didn't want to admit it", I shrugged.

As the silence filled the air, I looked down, my arms still folded as he sat with his head in his hands. "What do you want me to say? Do you not think if I could go back and stop it from happening I would? It makes me feel like shit that I did this to you and I am hoping by us clearing the air we can move on from this because it's killing me".

"It's all about you Kylian", I scoffed. "It's always about you. Me me me. What about my feelings? What about what I want? You can not just snap your fingers and say sorry and suddenly I will come running back. You repeatedly sat there and fed me shit and lied to me! I wanted someone I can trust and maybe be with until the end but-".

"What are you trying to say?", he said a little angrily, I guess he knew what I was trying to say.

"I'm saying...", I sighed. "...I think, you and I, we are done for good now. I told you when we first met I don't give second chances and this will not be-".

"No", he said shaking his head. "No Sav we can work on this!". His face looked so pained, his eyes turning red from the stress.

"Kylian", I said quickly wiping a tear which nearly fell. "As much as I want to, I can't forget what happened, I don't want to live worrying about every time you go out or on holiday that you might slip up and have too much to drink and you go off with someone else for the night. I just can't and I don't want to do it. Right now the baby is the only thing that's keeping us in contact".

"Throw it away", he quickly said making my eyebrows furrow as I looked at him weirdly. Throw it away? "I don't want the baby if that means we can not be together. I'd take you over some baby anyday Savanna. We are far too young for a baby anyway, I'm 20 and your 19!".

"I'm 20 soon", I mumbled.

"That's not the point Sav. I don't want a baby. I want you", he whispered the last part as he reached for my hand, but this time I didn't pull away. I could see the hurt in his eyes and it was killing me but as a woman, I have always been told to never take an unfaithful man back. As they say, once a cheat always a cheat.

"I'm sorry, Kylian", I said letting a tear fall. "I don't want this".

"Wait", he said standing up as he followed me out the door as I tried to walk to the door but he was quickly in front of me. "Okay okay okay, just calm down, please", he said looking down at me as I wiped my teary eyes. He took a breath before speaking, like what he wanted to say was eating him inside. "If you don't want this then fine, but please don't cut me out-".

I sighed, "Kylian".

"No listen to me Sav, I don't want to lose what we have, we have built so much good shit together and I'm sorry I ruined a massive part of that but please don't shut me out, not now", he pleaded cupping my face. I wanted to fall, his face looked so desperate and so disheartened and I could tell how much he was hurting. "You don't want to be with me, thats fine but I still want you in my life, I mean your carrying my baby for crying out loud".

"What happened to not wanting it?", I said.

He shrugged placing a hand on my stomach as I placed my hand over his. "If this is what it takes for you to stay in my life then I'd have a thousand of these little things".

"It's a baby, Kylian, not a thing", I laughed lightly as he smiled. "Kylian you shouldn't force yourself to want this if it only means your doing it for me, I can handle a baby on my own. I have my family and Alex and Che-", I cut myself off realising I no longer had Chelsea, nor Bruna and the thought already hurt me so bad.

"And you have me too", he said slowly looking at me as I whipped my head to him and looked at him confused. Am I hearing this right? He wants the baby? "I want this too and you have all of me".

I looked at him for a few seconds before nodding softly not wanting to take this too far. "I better get going".

"Be careful", he said making me chuckle. As he opened the door, I was about to walk out when he placed a finger under my chin, lifting it slowly and placing a kiss on my head. Squeezing my eyes shut for a second, it was hard not to let a tear slip, I was walking away from one of the best things that had ever happened to me and I don't think I would ever be getting it back.

As angry as I was, it did feel good to know that Kylian wanted to be apart of the baby's life, it felt good I wasn't alone, I just wish everything else was also fixed.

"I love you", he suddenly said making me tense up as I walked away from the house, I wanted to turn back and repeat it back but it wouldn't be right. Turning around, I gave him a soft smile as he looked at me hoping I would say it back but when somethings not right, somethings not right. I could see the gutted look on his face and it ripped my heart to pieces as he tried to hide it with a smile and wave.

Getting into my car, I gave him one last look before driving away, well that did not go the way I thought it would.
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Poor Sav :((( Personally I am team savanna atm but things may change very soon :)

Kylian is turning into a little sap for savanna I think it's time we toughen him up a little and get him back to his gritty ways ;)