By Chance

Chapter Twenty Five : By Chance

Brady's POV

It's been an absolutely fucking dreadful week.

After I screamed at Summer and left the house, I suffered through one of the most horrific panic attacks I've ever had. I didn't have anyone there to talk me down or get me my inhaler. I had to pull over and nearly threw up all over the fucking side of the road.

I set it upon myself, I know that, but it was also one of scariest things that's happened to me. For half a fucking hour I thought I was going to die. I just wanted Summer there to help me and be there for me.

Of fucking course I never wanted her to leave, and I've missed her presence every second since I ran her off. Despite how I feel, I know it's for the best. If she thinks I'm mad at her or whatever the fuck she took from my awful words, she won't want to come back. She needs to stay away from someone like me.

I'm sure she thinks I went and banged as many girls as I could when I left after our kiss. Hell, I fucking told her that I did, but I didn't. I couldn't. I don't want anyone but her. The idea of sleeping with someone else makes me sick.

Instead, I got over the attack and stared at the ocean like a little bitch while thinking about everything.

Since that night, simply living has been difficult. The number of times my thumb has hovered over Summer's name in my contacts or the amount of times I typed something out to send to her, only to never follow through with it is embarrassing.

I want her back so badly. I want to be good enough for her. I want us to work everything out and be happy together, but it's not reality. My reality is everyone leaves or dies. My reality is that I'm a fuck up who's going to be alone forever. My reality is Summer is gone. My reality is I ruined anything that ever had potential between us.

I haven't slept, I haven't ate, I haven't smiled, I haven't laughed, I haven't been taking care of myself. I don't have a reason to. I yelled at my reason and made her leave. Now my reason hates me, and I just have to deal with it.

I deserve to feel like this. I truly deserve everything that's been given to me. What am I even here for? My life is really just a fucking joke to whoever is watching.

I had one good thing going for me. One. Sure I have my brother and Gracie, but they're each other's good thing. I was alone until I finally met mine. In typical Brady fashion, I fucked that up too.

I just need to see her again. I need to hear her voice and see her smile and feel her skin on mine. It's the only thing that truly cures me.

But I can't let myself do it. Completely ignoring the fact that I'm literal human trash and she's the most angelic person I've ever met, there's Lance. Fucking Lance. He warned me to stay away from her, and even though I don't give a rat's ass about what happens to me, I can't risk letting him get to her.

He told me he'd kill me if I continued to see her. If he comes for me, she won't be around for it. I have no fucking idea where she is or who she's with, which is comforting to know in a sense. If I don't know, he won't either. That's all I care about.

I zip up my bag, ready to hit the road. With the weekend before me and no desire to do anything other than lay in bed and wallow in self pity, I decided to call up Kaine and Gracie to see if they were free this weekend. They said they were, and I can't stay another second in this house all alone, knowing the loneliness is from my own doing.

Grabbing a couple last things, I'm on my way within minutes. I want this trip to get my mind off of the most time consuming thing I've ever thought about: Summer.

I speed up way past the limit, eager to finally seek some comfort.

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It's a strange feeling to not know whether or not I should knock to get into my own damn house. I haven't lived here in a while, but the people who live here remain the same.