Steel Rose

Chapter 57

Belle POV

"It's called a cryptic pregnancy," a soothing but serious feminine voice says beside me. "Very rare but not completely unheard of. The mother doesn't develop any symptoms or grow a belly like any normal pregnancy. Maybe some back pain or some weight gain but nothing too serious that would indicate that you were expecting. Do you recall any of these symptoms, dear?"

I hardly register her question despite her presence right next to me. "Um," I do try to think back but come up blank. "I can't recall."

I hear her sigh, "Of course, the question was just due to my own curiosity." She goes silent for a moment, shuffling through some papers on her clipboard. "You must be famished."

"I'm not hungry." I tell her quickly. "I can't-,"

"Of course not. I would never ask you to leave so quickly. I will have something brought to you. Anything specific you want?"

For the first time I look at the nurse head on. It's the same small, grey haired woman who helped birth my baby back in my chamber bathroom. I manage a tired but grateful smile, "No, anything will do, thank you."

She nods and walks away after placing the clipboard on the nearby table. I watch her leave before turning my attention back to my baby sleeping peacefully under the golden lights of the tiny incubator. I can't seem to take my eyes off him for more than a few moments, although I know here, in the Premier's personal small hospital, he is perfectly safe. He sleeps peacefully, his small chest rising and falling in a wonderfully perfect rhythm.

I glance over at the clipboard. Born at 8 months. Eyesight perfect. Lungs fully developed. Trouble regulating temp, trouble swallowing. Slightly underweight, would recommend a few weeks stay.

Even now, hours after the actual birth, I feel the cold hands of terror grip my throat when I think about his condition. It hurts to move too much, and my soul aches to hold my new baby, to keep him close to me forever. The need is so strong, it crushes my chest with pain that I can't, at least not now.

The pain is something I can't even wrap my head around at the moment. It overtakes my body, and I feel bile build up in my throat and sweat matte my hair. I've officially wrapped the shower curtain around my hand, and my bones ache from the grip.

Please, I want to beg. I wanna scream. Please.

"Almost there," the nurse says smoothly as the younger one pushes my hair back and places a cool towel on my exposed neck. A open my mouth to beg but a shrill cry escapes me instead.

"Come on, push." The nurse says and I do, gritting my teeth I fear they'll shatter. I gasp when I can no longer push, as I picture my baby, what he will look like, just like I've been doing the past 30 minutes.

"One more."

I nod, gripping more of the curtain, bracing myself. She doesn't need to tell me when this time. I feel it. I push with the last of my strength, feeling sweat run down my spine. Pressure is released from my body and I fall back against the coolness of the tub, closing my tired eyes for a moment. I lick my lips, tasting the salt of my sweat.

I shrill cry echoes through the small bathroom, and before I can think about it, I'm sitting up again. The nurse is smiling, as she holds up my baby. "You have a baby boy."

Tears form in my eyes and fall down my cheeks as she cuts the umbilical. Her face is neutral once more, as the younger nurse moves to clean his face. Once satisfied they hand him over to me. I cry as I pull him close, as he continues to cry and kick.

His skin is pale and wrinkled, and he's covered in fluids, his eyes closed shut. In the back of my mind I know he is small, but in the moment, the moment that I bring my baby, my son, my love, close to my heart, I know I have never held anything more perfect.