What Happened Today?

To The First Boy I Loved

You meant the world to me. You were the missing piece I needed at that time in my life. You were my everything until one day I pushed you just far enough away. I loved you so much that I pushed you out of my life when everything got hard so you wouldn't have to watch me spiral out of control. But yet you tried to stick around until finally you realized that there was nothing you were going to be able to do for me, I had be gone too far for too long.

After it ended we couldn't handle it. We were in and out of each others lives for four years. You were there for me in the beginning and I couldn't help but find comfort in that and want to continue to keep going back to you every time something bad happened. And I did in and out for four years until day I went to you at the wrong time. I was randomly put out of your life not by you or me, but by someone else who barely understood the importance of our relationship. 

We were just friends at this point but I had the ability to talk to you when no one else would listen to me. And you understood, you never questioned me, because a part of you still loved me and a part of me still loved you. I still do, you were my first love how could I not? I've moved on and am happy in life and you seem to be happy as well but I wish I could still be that person for you and you could for me. 

All I can do is thank you. Thank you for being the first boy I fell in love with. For being the only person at the time who wasn't judging me for my actions. Thank you for letting me make the poor choices because I felt like I had no other options. Thank you for letting me come and go all these years, for being the thing that I needed most at that time. Thank you for making me feel important. Thank you for being you.

And I am sorry. I am sorry for pushing you out of my life. For making those choices that you couldn't stand by me in that way. 

I love you.

 I always have.

I always will.