It's Hard Not to Hate - An Outlaw Love Story

Chapter Eleven.

A knock at the door made Taylor jump. A gust of wind swirled into the living room when the door opened, breaking the stagnant air in the home.

"What're you doing here? You're supposed to be on a run," Taylor exclaimed. She stepped aside, letting Opie into Jax's home, the door clicking shut behind them. Opie hugged her quick, and shoved his hands into his jean pockets.

"Not my run this time. Only a few of them went. The rest of us hung back in case," Opie stopped himself, not wanting to put either of them at risk by divulging more.

"You want a beer?" She asked. Opie shrugged her off.

"Sit. I know where they are."

Opie returned to living room, handing her a bottle of water and cracking open his beer as he sat down next to her.

"Where's Abel?"

"Nap time," she replied. "It's been a struggle. He's teething. Finally got him to go down about half an hour ago." Opie nodded, his lips pulled together in a tight line. "What's up, Ope? Everything okay?"

"Did you fuck Jax?" He asked.

Taylor laughed, too loudly, and she covered her mouth with her hand praying she didn't just wake the baby. "Just get right to the point why don't ya?"

"Well?"

"No, Opie, I did not have sex with Jax."

"Did you almost?"

"What?! No. What's up with the third degree Opie?"

"The guys were talking at the clubhouse, about how you spent the night in his apartment.," Opie replied, pulling his hair out of its bun and running his fingers through it.

"I did sleep there. But that's all we did. Sleep." She figured she better leave out the part about showing him her breasts. It was innocent, after all. "He didn't like the idea of me taking a cab alone. So I slept there. Nothing more."

Opie sighed and his large frame relaxed.

"Would it be such a bad thing if I did?" She questioned, pulling hers legs up underneath her.

Opie chuckled, though her question wasn't funny. "I figured you'd be the last one to ever get trapped under the Jax Teller spell."

Her eyebrows furrowed, her jaw clenching with indignation. "I am under no one's 'spell', Opie. I'm not fooled by Jax or blinded by attraction. I'm not like everyone else. You should know that. It hurts that you would even think I was gullible enough to just fall into anyone's bed."

"That's not want I meant, just-"

"You don't trust Jax?"

He looked up at her. "I trust Jax with my life. Jax is the best man I've ever known. He is loyal to his brothers, he has the best intentions. He's a hopeless romantic. When he loves, he loves hard. And when it falls apart, his heart breaks hard, too. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments that are less than stellar; we all do. No one is perfect; but it's not Jax I'm worried about."

"Then what is it?" She pulled her brows in and pursed her lips.

"It's this life we live. It's ugly; nasty. There's no stability, no way to even know if tomorrow will come. Jax and I, we've lived it the longest. Our entire lives. This is how we were raised. We were raised being taught that the more women, the better. The violence, the booze, the prison time; it all comes with it. It's normal to us." Opie took a moment to sip on his beer. Taylor chewed the inside of her cheek, listening intently. "You know, with Donna, it was always a struggle. Juggling this life and our marriage. I wasn't the best at it, not even close. I made a lot of mistakes. But I loved her, I do love her. With all of my heart."

"She loved you, Ope. So much," Taylor said, tears beginning to slide down her cheeks. She could see Opie's eyes begin to well, too.

"She stuck by me. Through everything, through prison. She loved me despite my flaws. She always stayed. But on the other side of things, she would still be alive today if she hadn't gotten involved with me, if she hadn't been drug into this life. I don't regret it though, marrying her and exposing her to this. Maybe that's selfish. But she changed my life. She gave me my kids. She loved me unconditionally. I miss her every day. I love Lyla. I do. But she's not Donna."

They were both crying at this point, neither one trying to hide it from the other.

"I miss her too, Opie. But I know she had no regrets. Not one. She loved you, and you loved her. And that was enough."

Opie sniffled and gave her a soft smile. "I don't know where I was trying to go with this whole speech. I was trying to give you another perspective. But I guess it comes down to one thing- do you have feelings for Jax?

"What makes you think I do? I mean, I don't understand where this is coming from."

"Last night. I saw the way you were looking at him, and him at you. Your eyes were always following him. Not in a lustful way, almost just, awe. Lyla doesn't even look at me that way and we are married."

Taylor sighed, rubbing at her temples. "I honestly don't know what I feel for Jax, if anything. I don't know him. But part of me wants to know him. And part of me, as scary as it is, wants to find out what could happen."