I remember having my heart broken in the past. I used to sing Amnesia every day, just to voice out my frustration.
His name was Miggy.
What hurt me the most was when he didn't message me and I sent him lots of messages, asking, wondering why the sudden goodbye. Coz he just disappeared on me.
I thought maybe I was too emotional or too clingy.
Maybe it was my wrong. Maybe I couldn't be the person he wanted me to be, that's why he left.
Few years back, when I was doing good and achieving what little of success Allah had humbled me with, Miggy came back.
I took him back.
I let myself forget the pain it had caused me to try to forget him.
I forgot the lines in this powerful song.
I forgot that there was a time when I was hurting so bad, waiting for his reply, he chose not to reply to me.
I forgot those days and nights when I sang, "Coz I'm really not fine at all."
While he, he was fine. His pride was so high that he was ready to lose me. Or thought he would never lose me.
I took him back and forget my desperate wish of waking up with amnesia, because of the sour and bitter and belittle feeling he made me feel.
Then, on July, on the month my father died, he broke my heart, twice. He wasn't there for me. And said some harsh words few weeks after, words that up to now, I sometimes believe, that I might not be able to become a good mother.
I wish I listened to Amnesia before I got back to him.
More than a week ago, someone posted a bio using this song. To that person or persons, whatever possible pain you feel right now, I hope you heal.
I hope you find it in your heart/s to forget and wake up with amnesia.
To forget about the stupid little things.
Maybe you may not be fine for now.
"If what we had was real, how could you be fine?" words I asked again and again, for every passing day Miggy had slipped away.
I want to comfort you.
But I can't.
I can only pray that Amnesia isn't your theme song anymore when you wake up in the morning. Or when you sleep tonight.
We deserve people who won't let us slipped away.
We deserve people who will not only watch us from afar, when we feel broken, lost, dumb or tired, when we feel bad at love.
We deserve better.
We should know better.
- Aish
