Sara's Autistic History Report

AUTISM

1

My name is Sara, I am 13 years old, and I have a rare form of autism that does not allow me to be normal. At least, I think I am not normal. It's confusing because so many people tell me different things about myself. My mom says I am just socially awkward and I should be more careful about what I say. She is always saying, "Use your words Sara, use your words." It drives me crazy when she says that. Whose words am I going to use if not my own? If I had a nickel for every time my mom told me that my "actions have consequences," I would be a millionaire.

One day I wanted to be a smartass and I responded, "I know my actions have consequences mother. Newton's third law of physics says for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.'" "Every one knows that, what are you stupid?" I paid the piper for saying that.

My mom might irritate me but she is not putting up with my bullshit, especially when I disrespect her. My mom does not adhere to the saying, "you should never hit your kids." You know that commercial that says, "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I drink Heineken?" My mom says, "I don't always hit my kids, but when I do, they remember it." My house is like a prison, you have to earn your respect.

It is not just what my mom says, it's more how she says it. I wish I could describe it because I think you would be on my side on this one. You know that irritating voice people use when they are talking to their pets? That voice that makes everyone uncomfortable in the room. "Who's the good dog? You are a good dog, aren't you moochi-moochi, pookie-pookie?" They treat the dog like it's a little baby, it's super awkward. People and their pets, it's getting a little ridiculous. My neighbor takes her dog to get a pedicure. When I was growing up we took our dogs hunting and they slept outside in a dog house. Nowadays, the dogs eat better and have nicer rooms than I do. When did all this shit start happening?

I can't imagine what starving people in third world countries think about our dogs. In third world countries the dogs are lucky not to be ON the dinner menu, and there pretty much left to survive on their own. In america dogs are wearing gucci shirts and eating gourmet meals. My neighbors dog, the one that gets the pedicure, he won't eat cooked chicken unless it is cut up into small pieces. It's true, I saw it with my own eyes. You could put a seasoned piece of chicken right off the BBQ and he would wait until you cut it up before he ate it. I saw a dog the other day wearing a gold necklace, he looked like the rap star, The Notorious B.I.G. There are dogs that have their own instagram accounts, and people follow it!

Anyway, back to the problem with my mom. Remember we were talking about the "pet voice?" Try to picture something very similar to the "pet voice" and then make it more irritating and condescending. That's the voice my mom uses when she says things like, "your actions have consequences." It's almost like she is trying to piss me off. My moms "consequences" are always the same and she always formulates it in a question. She will say, "guess who is not going to have their phone or computer tonight?" Let me guess, is it me? I have autism, I am not retarded. Of course, I did not say that to her, I just thought of it in my head and gave her a dirty look.

Dirty looks usually don't rise to the level of an ass-whooping, but I have to be careful because sometimes they do. In my house, ass-whoopings come at you in a variety of ways; which means, you have to always be on your game. For example, the question, "Would you like an ass-whooping?" Is a rhetorical question, and answering it is only going to make things worse; and "Because I said so," is a legitimate answer to almost any question. Additionally, if you want to survive, you have to know what buttons to push and when. After 13 years of living and studying may parents behaviors, I consider myself an expert in psychology and the subtle art of reading emotions. If my mom says, "Just wait until your father gets home," I know I have crossed the line and I will spend the rest of the day kissing my mom's ass, so she does not tell my dad.