Collision Course (HP - Doctor Who) BOOK 1

Ollivander's and Why This Face?

Bold= me speaking

Doctor POV

Finally, time for the part I've been waiting for since I got to the alley: Ollivander's! The shop was older than me (it opened in 382 B.C)
A bell dinged as I walked in and an old man, or old by human standards anyway, slid through the shelves of wands, stacked up until there was roughly 1000 from the floor to the roof, towards me.
"Hello, Mr...?" He trailed off, since he didn't actually know his name.
"Oh! Right, it's Smith, John Smith."
"Come for a wand have you, Mr Smith?"
"Yep. Oh, and I'm ambidextrous, but I'll go for left as my wand hand."
He nodded and told a tape measure to start flying around and, well, measure me. It went from head to toe, finger to armpit and all other types of things until it eventually got called off after it started measuring the space between my nostrils, and from my toenails to my ankles.
"Try this: British oak and Dragon heart string, 14 1/2", rather whippy."

*SMASH*

A vase fell to the floor and shattered as I waved it.
"Uhh.." I began.
"Not that one then.." the wizard muttered, not at all fazed, "how about this one, Holly wood, unicorn hair, 14", rigid."

*CRACKKKKK*

The entire window rippled and fell apart and a family nearby leapt back from it. Now, Ollivander looked a little shocked, but it soon passed.
"Well, I suppose unicorn hair really doesn't agree with you... try..."

A process like that continued, the wandmaker getting more excited with each wand I exploded something with.

"We could try... hmm, yes, why not. Not that unusual of a combination. Try this, Cherry Wood and Dragon-Heartstring core, 14 2/3", rather bouncy."
Before he even handed it to me I got the feeling it was right. Sure enough, when I grabbed hold of it a spectacular show of regeneration-energy-gold and TARDIS-blue sparks swirled out of the tip and into the air.
"Beautiful," I muttered.
"Yes, indeed." I said farewell to the young (to me, anyway) man and practically bounded away back to the TARDIS. Now to wait...

WiBbLy-WoBbLy Timey-Wimey Skip

I can't wait! I'm finally going to Hogwarts! This is gonna be totally awesome! I looked at my watch (obviously with Gallifreyan time) and realised I was late: the sorting was probably nearly finished by now. I flew the TARDIS into the forbidden forest and made my way to the doors of the great hall. Shaking with excitement, I pushed them open and took a cautious step in, looking in wonder at the decorations and most of all the ceiling. Then, I was startled by shouting, screaming, gasps and streaks of red light missing me by mere millimetres.
"What?"
"Barty Crouch Junior!?"
"What?"
"But you're supposed to be dead!"
"What?!"

Shouts of 'Stupify' and 'Expelliamus' echoed through the hall, paired with Dumbledore calling for the prefects to lead the students back to their common rooms while I just stood there, dumb-founded. Next thing I knew, my brand new wand went soaring through the air and into Snape's hand, and thanks to a well-aimed Stupify from McGonnogal, I slumped against the door and my world turned black...

I stirred gradually, blinking the darkness away from my vision. A glance at the time told me I had only been out for about 10 minutes: Time Lords don't stay unconscious for long.
"Huh? Where am I?" By the looks of it, in the dungeons. The headmaster confirmed my theory.
"What are you doing here, Crouch?" Snape demanded. Crouch? He doesn't mean.. no, I can't look like him! That's bad, really bad!
"If I'm Crouch, Snape is a pink fluffy unicorn made out of marshmallows and candy floss (cotton candy for you Americans), now what am I doing here?"
The potions professor glared a hole into me. If looks could kill...

"It's not going to work, Crouch. We know who you are."
"Really? Then what's my name?"
"Barty Crouch Junior, obviously," sneered Snape. I made a buzzer sound.
"Wrong! My name is the Doctor, I'm a traveller. I heard you needed an astronomy teacher and thought I'd be fit for the job, so I flew here in my ship, the TARDIS. I don't care if you believe me or not, but I swear on Gallifrey I'm telling the truth." They decided to ignore whatever Gallifrey was.
"Listen, I don't know how to prove to you I'm not him, but I can show you my left arm, which I assure you is clear of silly little magic tattoos." I pulled up my left sleeve, revealing the un-marked skin beneath it.

"But that's not possible, you can't hide a dark Mark!"
"That, Professor McGonnogal, is correct. I didn't need to, in any case. Hell, test me with Veritaserum if you need more proof, I don't care! I just want you to know I'm not a murderer. Well, " I began,"not of anything from Earth, but that's a story for another time."
"I agree," said Dumbledore. I knew he'd listen,"I don't see why we couldn't use veritaserum. Severus, go fetch me some, please."

Said potions professor nodded curtly and swished out of the room (seriously, how does he do that?), then back a few moments later, a labelled vial in hand.
He passed it to Dumbledore, who in turn passed it to me. I willingly downed it and my eyes glazed over.
"Who are you?"
"I'm the Doctor and I'm 904 years old."
You could hear the jaws dropping to the floor.

"Okay then, why are you here?"
"I was reading a book about the Wizarding world, when I found out you might be needing an astronomy teacher and flew here in my TARDIS."
McGonnogal took a moment before asking a question herself.
"What is a TARDIS?"
"Time and Relative Dimensions In Space. It's a ship that travels through time as well as space and is bigger on the inside. It's also pretty much sentient, short of walking and talking on it's own."

Dumbledore took the antidote from Snape and passed it to me. Once again, I downed it straight away and the fog around my eyes cleared up. After blinking a little, I asked, "believe me now?"
"Yes. Sorry for all the confusion, Doctor. We do indeed have an opening for Astronomy if you would like to take it."
"That would be brilliant! Thank you, headmaster!" He nodded, telling Snape to lead me to a room, and then left with the rest of the teachers.

The man sighed.
"Follow me, Doctor." I did so and he led me to a room not too far from his office.
"Ahh, smart. Keeping an I on me, ey?" He nodded and walked away. I set the password to something in Gallifreyan, then lied on the bed for a nice long sleep (by Time Lord standards. 5 hours is the most sleep an average fully grown Time Lord will get).

Heyyo! Just so you know, this chapter is 200 ish words longer than the last one. PROGRESS!