Fate of Existence | Book 1 ✔️

Chapter 32

I don't know how long I had been back. Dani shakes me awake from the floor causing me to loll my head against the wall as I shake her off me. It's not like her touch is unwanted. 

My wolf isn't herself. She's sad and desperate to fill the void growing bigger and bigger with each day, overall she's angry. She's been moody and erratic. Sometimes even ready to sleep with whoever she finds the most similar looking or smelling to Seth. It's sad and depressing and I'm doing my best to keep her under control.  

I open my eyes and see her honeyed colored ones staring into mine. 

"I'm sorry I made you do something you didn't want to do, but I couldn't see you suffer like that any longer. " I close my eyes and take a shaky breath in. Despite everything my wolf still isn't willing to truly believe that we lost him forever. She isn't willing to come to terms with it and it's weighing down on me physically.

 "Lance... "

"Don't. Please." I don't want to hear anything she has to say. 

"... I'm really sorry... about him and about forcing you to do something you or your wolf might not be ready to accept. I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I can say I'm pretty close to it. I know it hurts and it's painful. It'll get better, I promise." She cups my face in her hands, but I just turn it away. 

Nothing in this world or the next can ever make this better. 

"Please don't do anything stupid. He wouldn't want that. I would hope he would want you to be happy." I bite down on my lip as I remember the last time I saw him alive and breathing and in my arms. I remember how warm he felt against me. I remember him still in my arms, blood leaking from his neck. I could no longer feel his warmth, his red hair was caked in mud and blood, and his eyes were sealed shut. 

I felt his life pulsing and passing before I even could reach him. She couldn't possibly understand how that makes me feel. I was his mate and I wasn't there. I wasn't there.  I grab her wrists gently and push them away from me without even bothering to look at her. I didn't even get to say goodbye. 

People don't understand how he was more to me than just my mate. He was my best friend. He understood me when no one could and now... I'm just alone again.

"I just want to be alone... Dani."

"You may not believe me, but it will and I don't trust you by yourself right now. Being alone is not what you really want." 

I inhale deeply and decide to let the silence linger a little more before speaking again.

 "An empty room... a big, dark, empty room with no windows or light to show through. That's how I feel right now. I'm too tired to care about them right now."

She looks at me full of skepticism before deciding to sit right beside me against the wall causing my eyes to narrow. Of course, she wouldn't believe me. I wouldn't believe myself either. 

"I'm staying right here. You might think you're alone, but I'm right here... I'll always be right here, Lance."

"If this is for the 'debt' you think you owe me—"

"No, it's not because of that. It's because I want to. That's all." She tries to touch my hand, but I move it away just in time for her to miss it. I notice her eyes falling and it honestly does make me feel bad. She is everything someone could possibly ever hope for. But I... I just can't. I don't think I ever can.  

"I'll help you get through this... I promise."

  Promises are never meant to be kept. I learned that the hard way. I know the very indirect meaning she is trying to give to me. My wolf even perked up at the opportunity to feel something, anything but this emptiness that is slowly consuming us. She doesn't care about the emotional attachment or any of the consequences after.