"Straight"

I never feel more trapped than when I'm at home

"You thought you could get past me that easily? I don't think so, ya little dipshit!"

Nope. Not today. Nuh uh. No way. I gotta get outta here, never should've come home in the first place. I'm such an idiot. 

Turning around, I realize I'm basically trapped. My dad's blocking the way to the front door, and I'll never make it to the back exit... but I can try. 

I can't wait any longer, so I dash toward the back door as fast as I can. Unfortunately for me, my dad has other plans. I feel one of his hands wrap around my upper arm and the other grab a fistful of my hair. 

"Oh no you don't!" my father yells, pulling me backwards.

"No, let go of me, you bastard!" I scream. 

All my attempts of retaliation are in vain. I can't get away now. I wish I could be with Phil right now. He would keep me safe and loved. He'd never do anything to try to hurt me in anyway. 

"You need to learn a lesson. Your mother obviously failed at raising you right so I might as well teach you everything that she didn't," my dad growls in my ear, pulling out his belt and slapping my cheek. 

Why?

The belt flies back and then snaps forward quickly, creating red welts on my skin. 

Why would he do this?

More whips. More pain. 

Why can't I get away?

"Stop it, you idiot! Do you want one of the neighbors to call the police?"

Mum?

I see my disheveled mother come out of nowhere and snatch the belt out of my dad's hand. All I can focus on is the burning pain of the welts, so much so that I don't quite catch what my parents are shouting at each other. 

All I know is that I need to get away. 

Groaning, I push myself up off the ground and stagger forward, staring at my enraged parents, shouting profanities at each other. 

Away. Get away. 

That's all I can think. My dad pushes my mum backward and in return she shoves him harder. 

Get away now. 

I take a deep breath and sprint towards the back door, wincing at the pain of my welt covered skin. Shoving the door open, I run off into the chilled evening air. The sun is beginning to lower itself in the sky, casting shadows on houses.

I think about running to Phil's house, but I don't want to put all my problems on him, so instead I settle on going back to the park. I don't realize someone is calling my name until I'm being tackled to the ground. 

My first thought is, Did my dad follow me?  But no. Of course it's Phil. I should've expected it. 

"Hey, Dan, it's okay! It's just me," I hear the familiar voice of my best friend insist to me. "I saw you run from your house and I heard yelling. What happe-" He stops.

 We're both on the ground, him on top of me, and he's staring at the red marks all over my body. I don't really know what to do so I just kind of lay there awkwardly. It takes a full minute for him to actually say something. 

"What the hell?" 

I flinch at the unexpected anger in his voice. I guess he notices my reaction because his expression immediately softens. 

"Why would he do this?" Phil whispers sadly. His voice sounds so fragile that it feels like I could touch him and he'd break into a million pieces. 

The blue eyed boy looks at me sorrowfully, and I can't help but break down under his gaze. This causes him to gently wrap his arms around me and push me back into the ground, as if he were putting all of his love into the hug. 

"P-please don't tell anyone," I stammer through muffled sobs. "If anybody f-finds out, h-he'll know I told-" 

"Shhhh," Phil silences me. "It's going to be okay. I promise."

Don't make promises you can't keep. 

After a while, I finally calm down. I'm so tired of crying. It seems like I always find myself in this position and it's getting quite old. Though it's nice to have Phil hold me.

"Phil?"

"Yes?"

"Do... do you think it's weird that we're such close friends?"

"What? Of course not. Why do you ask?"

"Um... I dunno... it's just..."

"Yes?"

"I'm straight."

He laughs and holds up my wrist that displays the heterosexual flag. 

"You just noticed that? What are you getting at, Danny?"

I blush and shrug, starting to get a bit flustered. 

"I-I dunno, it's just that you're gay and I'm straight, so everyone always thinks it's weird when they find out we're best friends."

Phil's smile disappears in a split second. 

"That's why our world is so flawed. Why can't we be good friends? Why can't we put our arms around each other or hold hands or hug for longer than two seconds or have sleepovers or-or-"

He stops, looking very distressed. I'm not quite sure what to say. I mean, I feel the exact same way, but I'm still confused as to why I'm always thinking about him and finding myself staring at him in class. 

Do I actually like him? Like, like like him? Or is it all just in my head?

"And... what happens when you're gay, but you just happen to fall in love with someone who's straight?" he asks so quietly that I almost miss it. Almost. 

I glance up at him, eyes widening as I register what he just said. 

Oh God. 

Oh God.

Wait, what was that supposed to mean? Does he like someone who's straight? Does he like me? What the fuck?

Phil stares at me nervously, but suddenly there's a look of confidence that graces his features and he's grabbing my shirt and connecting our lips. 

The feeling is so shockingly amazing that I don't pull away. In fact, I pull him in closer as he, once again, pushes me into the ground. This time the motion is filled with intimacy. Surprisingly, it feels right. All of it. It feels like it's exactly what's supposed to happen. 

And I love it.