"Straight"

you're held together by your nightmares and fright

"No, stop it!" 

I'm being strangled, restrained, torn apart. I can't breathe, and everything hurts. 

I'm screaming, but I'm drowning. Yet, my throat is dry. 

"Please let me go!"

"You are no son of mine." 

I gasp for breath, eyes flying open and sweat dampening my clothes. It's been three weeks since the trial and I'm still having nightmares about him. Even laying in bed with Phil doesn't calm me down. His parents took guardianship over me, so I can stay with them until I'm eighteen. My mother is in a mental institute somewhere down south, but I don't plan on seeing her. She's in my nightmares too.

Phil groans and stirs next to me as I sit up and look around his dark room with wide eyes. 

"Hey... you okay?" he asks in a sleepy voice. I don't think he's even fully awake. "Was it another nightmare?"

All I can do is mutter a small, "Yeah," before continuing to gaze around the familiar room nervously. I can never shake the disturbing feeling off whenever I have my nightmares, and I stay paranoid for about an hour before I can relax enough to fall asleep. 

"C'mere, Danny. It's okay. You're safe," Phil whispers while sitting up and wrapping his arms around me. I hate how easily this beautiful boy can make me cry, but despite how hard I try to keep it together, I end up breaking and it all goes to hell from there. 

Tears run down my cheeks as I shake violently from silent sobs, welcoming Phil's warm embrace. I don't know how long we sit here, maybe fifteen minutes or more, before I can finally speak. 

"Wh-why am I like this? I'm just a burden t-to everyone else, and a waste of a life. I'm a-a mistake. I don't match the s-sexuality that I'm supposed to be and I n-never will. I'm just a f-fuck up. You're always w-worried about me and that's so unfair for y-you. You shouldn't have t-to deal with all this. I'm s-so sorry," I stammer quietly, covering my face in my bruised hands. 

Phil hugs my tighter before pulling away and removing my hands, holding them firmly in his own. 

"Don't apologize. You are perfect just the way you are. You are not a burden or a mistake. Why do you think I love you so much? I love your smile, and your personality, and the way you talk, and how sweet you are, and everything else about you. I love you, Dan," Phil says softly as he brushes the tears off of my cheeks. 

He tilts my head up and kisses me right on the lips, gently pushing me back onto the bed and straddling me. We continue kissing passionately until it turns into a heated make out session. He makes his way down to my neck and finds my sweet spot, causing me to give a small gasp. 

The way he caresses my sides gives me chills, and his lips are like magic against my skin. I can't describe how incredible it feels to have the person you love most pressed up against you in the most caring way, treating you as if you're made of glass. 

I'll spare you the details of that night, but the feelings and love that I felt were enough to make me forget about the nightmarish hell that I'm stuck inside of. 

But like I've said, good things never last. 

***

"Did you hear that Dan and Phil are together?"

"Dan's straight though!"

"It's disgusting."

"I though straight people were supposed to be straight."