Unfixable fixing

Chapter Nine

"Indeed reminders benefit the believers." Quran; 51:55

You should always remind one another about the do's and do nots in a religion, indeed you get extreme rewards in doing that, May Allah be pleased with us.

Samirs pov

"Bottling up your feelings never work on anyone Samir, why do you think it will work on you?" Arman says from his bed, his voice ever so sleepy.

I didn't reply nor glance at him, my whole head is covered in sweat, yes, i just woke up from another nightmare, unfortunately i woke my roommate up too.

"Let it all out mate, Allah is with you, your parents, your family, even me, so please stop stressing yourself, i mean this is what makes you human." He added, switching on the bedside lamp, he has a tiny smile on his face.

I sigh, i don't know.

I am just feeling insecure, what if people judge me? What if they walk away from me after i finish telling them what happened?

"You're thinking again, aren't you? What did i tell you about overthinking?" Arman questions.

He doesn't get it, heck no one does, they all want me to act as if nothing happened.

So what if i overthink? I am human after all.

"Samir i think your dad is right, therapy is the only solut-"

I stood up and just walk out of the room.

I am not rude, wallah i am not, i am just not in the mood to talk.

I know he cares about me, i know he wants the best of me, i know he wants me to overcome this, but how?

I can't help it, i am so inconsiderate, i woke him up in the middle of the night and just walk out on him, while he is just trying to make me feel better about my self.

No wonder i never had friends back then in high school, and i do not blame them now, how can they- normal people be friends with this psycho, who doesn't even know how to speak to people who genuinely cares for him?

Once i step out of the premises i put on the hood of my hoodie, it's 3 in the morning and a little bit chilly.

I wish i can just be like the weather.

I continue strolling the schools parking lot, doing dhikr.

It's literally the only thing that keeps me sane and of course Salah.

Another therapy?! I scoff, can you even imagine?

Why don't they jus-

"Samir?" Someone voice out, the owner of the voice sounded very unsure.

I turn to face her and i mentally roll my eyes, Ya Aziz, i am so not in the mood for this girl. "Yes?"

She walks up to me: "What are you doing here so late at night?" She questions.

"I always knew you're creepy, mysterious and you just proved me right, are you a vampire? Or a werewolf?.." she gasp and close her mouth, "..you're not an armed robber are you?" Gosh, this girl talks too much, and she's judgmental, anyways i am so used to people like her, i mean this isn't the first time people judge me.

I roll my eyes at her: "Whatever makes you sleep at night Zahra. But what are you doing outside? it's 3am."

She huff; "My roommates are bickering, and i am in no mood to listen to their crap, they're still mad at each other." Zahra says, pulling her sleeves, it's getting colder by the minute.