Unfixable fixing

Chapter Nineteen

"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace." Suratul Ar-Rad verse 28.

If you're feeling uneasily, feelings you can't pin point, then you should check your relationship with your Lord, because in doing so the hearts do find peace and that means peace of mind entirely.

Samirs pov

For every silent tear shed,
For every silent battle fought,
For every memorable moment,
For every brave smile you put on..
Allah knows and may He bless you and continue to make it easy on you.

Turning on the shower, i start washing my hair, and then proceed to take a bath.

Done, i came out dressed in tri quarter trouser and an ash hoodie.

"I need a new perfume." I murmured to myself, the ones i have are almost finished.

I sat on my bed, scrolling through Pinterest on my phone, it's a boring sunny Wednesday, the sun is shinning, the wind is blowing dryly.

Both my dad and step mum are out, probably for some checkup i am not sure.

Things don't bother me anymore now, since the day Uncle Ibrahims dad, baba died, yes i call him baba, we were this close May his gentle soul continue to Rest In Peace.

The world has surely lost an angel.

Anyways since that day nothing excites me anymore, i feel numb, i feel nothing, literally nothing, the exact same feeling i felt four years back.

Why will i let things bother me when in the long run we're gonna lose them? It doesn't make sense right?

I sigh, when my phone start ringing, it's Arman, he has been calling nonstop since i can't remember, school has resumed the day before yesterday, Monday, i didn't even do my registration.

"Assalamu Alaikum Samir." Arman says softly when i pick the call, i almost chuckle, he sounds so calm, he doesn't wanna upset me.

"Wa'alaikas Salaam." I answered. "How are you feeling now?" He asks, a small smile grace my lips, i am actually glad i went to UOL because i met true friends who genuinely care for me; "Alhamdulillah i am fine thanks, how's school?"

"Alhamdulillah. You should resume, i have finished your registration." He says, "You have? Thank you Arman, so much."

"You're welcome." He says, and he start telling about the topics the did, the courses outline the lecturer gave.

I thanked him and hang up, he is such a true friend, i never had friends growing up because my twin brother was always with me wherever i go, he was my friend, best friend, basketball mate and brother, so with him always with me i didn't find it necessary to make friends and after almost 18 years i have made friends, my mum would have been proud, i mentally laugh remembering her words;

"Kabir- i mean Samir, yes Kabir whatever, you need not to be always with your brother, allow him to go out of his comfort zone."

She always mistake our names, yes we were identical twins, those were her exact words, not that what she said was funny but i always find myself laughing reminiscing her— or them.

I wish, i just wish that i will hear her voice again, but some wishes will never come true, my eyes begin to water.

I sit up properly, blinking back my tears, i am strong right? I mean Allah knows best and i shouldn't be crying over past yea?

"No, it's okay to cry, you're human after all."

Someone once told me that but i can't exactly remember who, and that's when my tears start flowing down my cheeks, I lean back against the headboard of my bed, hugged my legs and let the tears continue cascading down my face.