My heart felt empty, or like something was missing. I didn't get to say "I love you back"... She pulled him away too fast. Me and Ivan were supposed to be together forever, why couldn't I have that?! I guess it's normal though. Every time I start to feel happy, the source of it is torn away.
I don't even know where I am, but I heard the sound of a train in the distance. It must've rained recently since there were puddles everywhere. In one of them, I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I sighed sadly as I looked at my grey eyes, still somehow glossy from the last time I cried. I hung my head and continued walking.
Nighttime came soon enough, and I watched the railroad in front of me. I found more tears to cry as memories of me and Ivan filled my head.
"Why do you care about how I'm feeling?"
"I don't like seeing anyone in pain..."
When I was sad, he was always the first to come help me... I wish I had known the real reason sooner.
"America?!"
"R-Russia? What are you..."
"I'm so sorry. I'll get you out of here now!"
Seeing his face after being locked in with his sadistic sister for a week was the best thing I could imagine at the time. If only I had stayed awake for a little longer.
"Do you love me?"
I stood up when the sound of another train grew closer. I swear someone shouted my name, but I ignored it. The train was very close, and I threw myself on the tracks. Even if I didn't die forever, maybe I could forget about my problems just for a little bit. Sadly, that wasn't going to happen, as I felt someone run into me. Pushing me to the ground on the other side and landing on top of me.
"What were you thinking?!" England looked down on me with tear filled eyes, though I shoved him off once my brain comprehended what just happened.
"What?! I should be asking you! Why would you do that?!" I let rage take me over as England sat there looking sad yet annoyed.
"Sorry if I didn't want you attempting to kill yourself!"
"It wouldn't have worked anyway!" I proceeded to sob and cover my eyes, only to have England lift up my head.
"Hey... You're okay. And I don't care if it would work or not. I won't let you do that." he kissed me, to which I blindly kissed back. England wrapped his arms around me and I fell on my back, not thinking straight at all...
"Wait. No!" I pulled away and looked off to the side, finally coming to my senses. He looked confused.
"What's wrong? You don't like it?"
"I-I'm with Ivan though..."
"Ugh... He's marrying his sister. You know I heard everything when you were talking with Canada." he stood up and took my hand, making me stand up as well.
"But I-!"
"Shh... I get it, you're sad." he shushed me by putting a finger to my lips.
"But you can't see him. I am who you should be with. I've known you longer than anyone, and I cared for you for years. It's only right, isn't it?" though he smiled, I shook my head in disagreement.
"No. It doesn't feel right. Plus I just... Don't love you that." I didn't regret saying it, but England didn't take it well.
"I might have to kill MYself now..."
"England don-"
"I've loved you for years! This is the only way I'll feel happy again... Don't you care about me?!"
"I do! But I just don't want to be in a relationship with you."
"So all those times I hurt myself because I thought I couldn't have you... I'll have to go back to that! You're the only way I'll feel better." I was dumbstruck... The thought of England hurting himself because I wasn't in love with him... Hurt me.
"P-Please don't... Don't do this to yourself!"
"Why not?! Whenever you're around me, I feel like I don't need knives or drugs. If you walk away, I'll have to go back to that-"
"Stop it!!" I cut him off and hugged him tightly.
"Just stop! I love you..." those words weren't sincere, but he thanked me and said he loves me too... This is wrong, but I don't know what else to do...
"Why are you even here?"
"Russia was bad for you, so I came here in hopes to bring you back with me!"
"Yeah... Okay."
- - - - - -
"Alright... You look much better! This is the Russia I want to marry. Not some homosexual oddity..." I didn't like the clothes I was wearing at all. They were suffocating mostly. Belarus gave me a quick kiss, looking more excited than I've ever seen her before.
"Regardless of what it took... I'm so happy we'll finally be together!" she hugged me tightly and I thought about my time with Alfred. This is terrible, I wish this was all a dream I'll wake up from...
"How about you? What do you think of our marriage?"
"If it was food it wouldn't be barely palatable..." I was slapped and simply sighed.
"Oh shut up! You'll grow used to it!" Belarus led me outside, the way the clouds were aligned was beautiful. I wish this moment was just as beautiful as they were...
When we arrived where the wedding would be taking place, Ukraine was there and immediately hugged me.
"Oh Russia, it's so good to see your face again! I'm so proud of you as well!" she almost started crying tears of joy seeing me and Belarus together
"This will certainly be beneficial to your countries!"
"Yes... Beneficial." Belarus gave me a sickly sweet smile, hardly trying to hide the fact she wasn't doing it for political reasons.
"Aren't you happy, Russia?"
"Um..." I made the mistake of not answering immediately, and Belarus tightened her grip on my arm so much that I felt like crying like my older sister. Why wouldn't I be happy like this...?
YOU ARE READING
Rules are Rules-Hetalia RusAme
Fanfiction*some chapters are very long ;-;* Russia and America adore each other, but could never say a word. One is haunted by the thought of his people and family hating him. And the other doesn't even understand his own feelings. Although when an unfortunat...
