Grayscale

Chapter Six

        I had just finished describing my situation to Reed when we walked into the door of Joe's Cup. It was dimly lit, with a few tall tables with bar stools scattered about the room. On the right wall, there was a couch, and a couple chairs like the ones Grady's had. Despite the heavy mood, that made me really happy. I hoped they were as comfortable as the ones in Grady's. I would be seriously disappointed if I sat down and didn't sit into the chair.

        The shop wasn't very busy, though, so we didn't have to wait long to place our order at the counter. After deciding I would try something new, I got a s'mores flavored coffee. The biggest they had, of course. Reed got his hot chocolate, and we sat down at the chairs. I didn't sink into the seat, unfortunately, and immediately decided I wouldn't be coming here often, even if the coffee ended up being godly. Grady's had my macchiatos and knew just how I liked them, the chairs were killer, and it was closer. It had a lot going for it that this place did not.

        "Oh, shit, hold on," Reed said, just after sitting his hot chocolate down. He half-sprinted back up to the counter. "Two chocolate chip cookies please," he said to the barista. She pulled them out of the storage rack, and he paid. "Thank you!" He came back over to me, grinning. "The best part," he explained. "I wouldn't have drug you all this way if not for these."

        He offered one to me as he got settled again, and I took it. I would never turn down a chocolate chip cookie. As a teenage girl, that would be almost sacrilegious. I took a bite, and - "Holy shit, this is perfect!" I said, around the bite in my mouth. "Like, god damn. This is a mouth-gasm. I want a dozen."

        Reed laughed. "I told you!"

        Maybe I would be coming back, after all.

        Once we both finished our cookies, I settled back into the faux-leather chair, ready to continue the conversation. "So I left off at striking out again last night, right?" He nodded. "Alright, well, yeah. The kid didn't want anything to do with me. I mean, the word date left my mouth, and he literally just walked off. Like, I'm assuming he had a girlfriend just because everyone our age - shit, sorry. Well, I'm assuming he had a girlfriend, but he didn't even pretend to give me the time of day. You're the first person I've even heard of that doesn't have a girlfriend, and I'm assuming you don't really want to change that right now."

        He didn't say anything for a minute, just kind of stared down at his hot chocolate. "Well . . . I don't know," he finally said, after a good deal of silence. "I miss Madeline like fucking crazy, but we talked about this once. How we'd each want the other to keep on living if something were to ever happen to the other. Of course, we didn't really think either of us were going anywhere, but . . . shit happens, I guess." He hands were trembling as he struggled to keep his composure. "I just . . . I don't think it would be fair to you to even consider it. I'm not . . . me. And I don't think I ever will be again." He whispered the last sentence, and closed his eyes shut tight, tilting his head back. "I'm sorry," he said, voice shaky.

        A thousand thoughts were racing through my head. I had found a guy who was honestly willing to give dating someone a shot, but he didn't feel like he was worthy of it. I knew we were relative strangers, and I shouldn't have been so excited by the prospect of dating this boy, even if he was adorable - but I couldn't help it. My void could be filled. With someone worth filling it, if the way he spoke of Madeline was any indication. I knew nothing about being with him would ever be easy - but wasn't it worth giving it a shot? I wasn't going to have very many more chances, if any. And I liked Reed. He was sweet, and funny, even as broken of a boy as he was.

        "Reed, whether you're the you you were before Madeline or not, I like you. I know it's not like we've known each other forever, but you're really sweet. The way you talk about Madeline . . . if someone even felt a fraction of that towards me . . ." I took a deep breath. "What I'm saying is you don't have to be perfect. That's not what I'm looking for. Just, like I said, I don't want to be alone anymore. It could be years before I find someone. I don't want to just spend that time waiting. And you need someone. I can see it in your every movement. You don't know how to be alone. Which I totally understand, given the situation. I know I could never replace your soulmate, but we could give it a try. Maybe I could help you get to a better place, where you can talk about her without breaking down. I don't know. I don't know how any of this will go. There's not really any precedent for this type of thing."