Grayscale

Chapter Nine

        We arrived at IHOP unscathed, though Reed pulled in just a little too quick, almost speeding right past the only available parking space in the lot. For five in the morning, IHOP was packed. Was there something going on that I didn't know about? Was today special or something? I had never seen the place so busy, barring holidays.

        Holidays.

        It was Valentine's Day.

        Ah, shit. Shit, shit, shit. Just . . . wow. Reed was cute, and I liked him. He was funny. But I did not want to spend this day with him. His soulmate had just died a month ago. While he was pretty together now, what was he going to be like when we walked in there and found all of those happy couples out celebrating our culture's favorite day? This was his first holiday without her. And, of course, the first one had to be this one. If God was real, he had a sick sense of humor.

        My panic had me so self-absorbed, that it didn't even register when Reed got out of the car. So, my brain didn't register the shadow that was approaching my car door as him, but as a soldier, as one of those god damn shadow soldiers that were going to haunt me for days to come. Before I could stop myself, I was ducking for cover, and a scream was building in my chest. But, then, the car door was yanked open.

        "Calypso, Jesus, what are you doing?" Reed asked. He crouched down to my level, and rested a hand on my shoulder, offering a gentle squeeze. I was practically in a ball on the floorboard, hyperventilating over his shadow. My hands trembled as I tried to reign the fear in. The look on his face, despite definitely being the more broken of the two of us, was complete concern. "Are you okay?"

        The words were stuck in my throat worse than peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. "I'm . . . fine," I eventually managed, forcing the words to my lips. Apparently, I had bigger problems than Valentine's Day. I fucking lost my mind when I saw my boyfriend's - if I could call him that - shadow. That wasn't healthy.

        Maybe I should have stayed home.

        "Calypso, I don't want to press the issue if you don't want to talk about it . . . but, you know I'm here, right? This whole me falling apart every time we talk about something that reminds me of Madeline isn't a one way thing. I mean, I get that that's not your issue. That's a me thing . . ." He shook his head, as if clearing his thoughts. "Just, what I mean is that if you've got something plaguing you, I'm here. All right?"

        I nodded. "I just . . . I need air." I felt like I was trapped inside my head, sometimes. Like I was waging a war with my consciousness that I would never win. And part of me really wanted to talk about that. I knew I would have to eventually, if Reed and I were going to stay together - I just wasn't sure if I was ready to let him see that part of me. A walk, though, would allow me to clear my head at least a little, without having to open up.

        With not a note of suspicion concerning the war I waged internally at all, Reed responded with, "Then we'll grab some food later. IHOP isn't going anywhere, and we've got about two hours to kill before school." He stood up and offered me his hand, and I cursed in my head. School. I was going to have to figure out what to tell him when I asked him to drop me off at home instead of at the front doors. Anyone would ask questions about that one.

        "Yeah . . . yeah, all right." I took his hand, and he helped me to climb out of the car. I expected him to pull away once I was standing, but he laced his fingers with mine as he shut the car door behind us, locking it with the little remote attached to his key chain. I shouldn't have been surprised, though. We'd spent a lot of the previous day holding hands, too. It wasn't really that intimate of a gesture. Just an "I'm here" type of thing - and that was really nice.