My Kik-Ass Boy Girlfriend (BoyxBoy)

Twenty-Two

It's late, but here it is! :D

* This chapter may contain grammatical errors and typos. *

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  Despite how many times I’ve tried to leave Alice, I’m trying again for the hundredth time. I hope I’ll be successful now because I hated the look on Grant’s face when he talked about his rejection. I understand him though, because even though I don’t explicitly ask people out or even show them that I like them, I can already tell that doing so would only lead to hurtful rejection.

Nobody wanted me. Nobody wanted me romantically and I needed to come to terms with that. But for some reason, I just can’t. I don’t know how I resorted to forcing someone to feel that way about me, but I somehow I did.

After talking to Grant while we were out at lunch, I made myself promise to leave him alone, to not even pursue a friendship with him, because who knows where that would lead to. I just have to get over the fact that nothing will happen until I come out to everyone.

I’m not sure what the reason is for guys not wanting to be with me, but I’m pretty sure that one of the factors is the fact that nobody knows I’m gay. I can’t do anything about that though… Not until I’m able to support myself, because there’s always that scare of my own family throwing me away. So that probably won’t be for another couple of years, so I have to deal with it for now until then.

All I’ve allowed myself to do is to admire from far away and not act on it so that nothing will go to shít.

Everyday that I volunteer at the hospital was torture because I always see Grant unexpectedly. I don’t know if he noticed, but ever since finding out that I was the reason he was acting weird, I’ve resigned to myself a bit to keep him from getting hurt even more. When he passes by down the hall, I look the other way. He would come by to say hi sometimes, but I made sure that it never lasted long just so I wouldn’t be tempted to do anything.

“Hey, Jay,” a voice said. It was a typical greeting any one of the people I know would say. Probably because it rhymes, but I’ve gotten used to it. “How’s your day so far?”

A month after being assigned filing at the front desk of the hospital, I was reassigned to one of the nurses’ stations. Obviously the work was more filing, because there’s never really any other tasks to do. The filing work also never seemed to end. I looked up from the papers I had in my hand and saw Grant. He looked exhausted.

“Meh. Boring file-work again,” I shrugged. He actually chuckled. I smiled at him before turning back to my work. “What about you? You look really tired.”

He groaned sexily. “You don’t know the half of it. You’re one of the best trainee I had! Those new volunteers, they can’t stop staring at me for one second to take in their surroundings instead. Training should be to look around and get to know the place, but it seemed like they were looking at something else,” he said.

No, it didn’t sound very conceited at all, because that exactly what I did when I was being trained by Grant. However, I did my best so he wouldn’t notice me doing it, so it’s either I succeeded or he just didn’t point it out.