thoughts. | Incomplete

my love.

hey again.. :)

1 year and 4 months?

I don't know, my love.

I'm not crying.

I'm just hurting

I think I have shed enough tears, they think I'm weak but I know deep down inside it's just because I had been so strong.

I always wanted to breakdown in front of him.

To show him how broken I am.

No, he didn't break me .

I break myself repetitively, because I always allow myself to keep on falling, falling to a void where no one could save me.

I so badly wanted to forget you, my love.

Although I am the one to break myself, I can't help but hate you.

every time I look at you I scream with my eyes.

"HELP ME! PLEASE... It hurts so bad, I can't take it anymore."

But every time you look into my eyes you divert your attention to something else. I understand it, because who would want to deal with someone like me. You think of me as someone over dramatic, but you don't know the pain, you don't know how hurt I am... because of you.

If the pain I feel emotionally would show in my body, I would be so bruised. I would look like a complete mess. The tears I shed every night, will be the blood, and the bruises that would litter my body would be the painful thoughts. The thoughts that has been hunting me since day 1.

Now the question is..

"will I ever be able to move on from the pain, my love?"

Yes they say, but the demons say no.

I wanted you to help me. I wanted you to save me.

I hate you, for pretending to be so nice,

You're disgusted by me. I know it, I heard it.

I want to cry so bad, but I would never give you the pleasure, my love.

Oh my love, I hate you so bad, for foolishly falling for her.

Her. You would go through hell if it meant you'll have her. My Love.

I would give her to you, to make you happy but you know she loves another.

My love, you hurt yourself, you're in my situation. You're yearning for her while I'm yearning for you. You stare at her longingly and lovingly while I stare at her in jealousy. I can never bring myself to hate her.

She was an angel.

She had the heart of gold.

And I..

I had nothing. If I were to stand beside her, my love. I would be air. I could never be compared to such a beauty. She was gorgeous and beautiful both in and out. I know why you fell for her. I envy her, she had him on his knee by simply standing there. She didn't had to make an effort, simply breathing still makes her so beautiful. I can never take my eyes off of her. She was undeniably an angel in disguise.

That's why I hate you, my love.

You fell for the angel.

I hate you, my love.

You know another holds the heart of the angel.

Yet you still loves her, my love.

I support you. You know it. I'm the only one who encourages you, our friends think of you as a dumb fool for thinking that you have a chance to be with the angel. despite their protest, you still love her. You think that the both of you were meant to be, and she just needed time to see that. I want to tell him that he was just hurting his self, I wanted to say "trust me.. you had done the same to me, and it hurts so bad."

My love, I don't want you to be like me.

To be a fool.

If I were to say, "Stop loving her!!"

You would say, "I can't"

I know it. It was what I said when they demanded me to forget about you, my love

It's hard and I understand.

This is why I want to save you.

but It's too late, my love.

You embraced it, the feelings you have or should I say the love you have for her.

I want to hate you more, my love.

for giving the love I want to the angel.

The angel.

I envy her.

You love her while I love you.

"I really do love her." he said.

"sksksks and i oop-" I replied flashing him the forced smile he thought was genuine.

he laughed.

I wanted to yell at him, to hate him. Why would you fall for the angel that loves another?.

Again, I had done the same... fallen for you when your heart belongs to another.

I wish I could help you heal, but I know a broken heart could only be fixed by the one who is broken. All I could do is support him and be beside him. It hurts, but he needed help.

No one offered me help in my darkest moments, and it was the worst. I would not want him to go through the same. I know the pain way too well. He doesn't deserve the pain, no one does.

So here I am,

I'll be here for you, my love.