Ethan- An Open Heart Story

Chapter 10- First Light

The first light of the dawn fell from the doors outside and I saw it through the window of the NICU. I was awake, tired to bones, couldn't feel half of my body and couldn't move because Charlotte was in her deep sleep. Beside me.

I didn't want to disturb that from her. Nor I could take my eyes off.

What happened when you fall asleep? Something just changed about you the moment you closed your eyes to the world and the world saw you from its open eyes. My eyes were also constantly alert in order to do a five minute periodic examination of the baby sleeping still and breathing heavily. The heart monitor was beating with a steady chime. A steady hopeful chime.

It was morning. And he was alive. And he made it out.

He survived.

My face softened and even I felt a bit of the tiredness fading away as my body burnt it with the positive anticipatory result of the life. My prayers....had been answered. The baby was alive. I had seen terrible cases in my life where the breathing succumbed to the fading lights. But Dolores' boy was just strong as his mama. Just he wouldn't...

Now left was the fulfilment of my promise to Dolores.

Everyone just stowed me with so many promises and so much of work ethics and honour that it was becoming a mindless expenditure to remember anything and sort out the important ones and act. A part of my construction was made up of with the promises I had made to the people over my life. Starting with my parents (though I say they had cursed me to die often than be praised), Blondie (though he hates me more than my life and wants me dead), Elijah (Dead), NYC VCs (Technically dead), Naveen (dying) and now Dolores who was...dead.

Great. All the promises I have made had been sought to the dead people.

Charlotte stirred in her sleep and I tensed. My eyes scanned her form. Her skin was as fair as the snow and her eyes were closed to a perfect symmetrical line. Her hair was undone yet I wanted to feel them. When she slept, she looked like a cat. A cat curled up beside me with softness all around my body. I was glad that nobody saw us in this state because....that would be problematic. I had been known for being a cold and strict doctor in this hospital. Only Harper was the one to receive a kinder side of me.

I wasn't always like that.

Things happened. Things changed. And I changed along.

I would have put her on the chair and stood by myself all the night if I had to. But here something told me not to. Just to stay fixed to the gentle comfort life was offering at this moment. This wasn't definitely supposed to mean anything. I had a bad night. Charlotte had a bad night. She was sleeping and I was not disturbing her sleep.

The baby didn't move much. It was normal expectations considering that you had a blow shock of going from a dark place to whole new world.

A world without your mother.

A muscle ticked near my jaw and I pressed my lips hardly.

Okay. Enough resting. It was time for Charlotte's shift to begin and hence if she wanted time for herself, she had to get up now. I felt guilty forcing her to be awake but the world never rested and she had to learn that too. We go on.

I shook her gently from her shoulder and shivered when my hands went in contact with her soft hair. Everything about her was generating these weird emotions of empathy that I resented, "Charlotte...Charlotte...wake up."

"Wake up."

She made a disapproving noise and stretched like a cat. Her eyelids fluttered lightly against the constant lights. She rubbed them before opening to the incubator in front.