IS it right to look down at me

relative phobia

I yarned tiredly... This is not so fair. Sun always does it's work punctually.. it never gets late to rise the next day. I was cursing the sun for the past twenty minutes which spoiled my morning sleep. I have to get up early today. It's not a big thing. Instead, it is a damn shit thing for me to sacrifice my sleep which is my first love. Especially when we get to sleep after our alarm.

I switched my position and saw my little sister trying to open her eyes.. damn I should get up before her... It's always our deal that whoever gets up last would fold the mat and pillow. now I am really not in the mood to fold it...

After getting my mornings fresh, I entered the hall of my house... The voice of many people already pierced my ears this morning...

With a smile I looked at all who is my mom's relatives.. they are so sweet people.. they won't give any chance for me to speak... Instead, they would start talking making my conversation easy one.. all I have to do it to say yes or no...

"Did you welcome them?" There comes my mom's voice... Did she have to ask this in front of them itself... I rolled my eyes internally...

"Welcome all" I grit my internal cheek not to laugh at my own words... They are already seated in my hall.. then why should I ask them to come again...

And again formal questions of how are you I am fine how are you again... What do you do... Etc takes place... And I don't have any problem in that seriously. "She is normally a silent type, isn't it? Not like her sister who is always a cheerful one" The elder of all snapped... Did I just stayed silent all the while?? I was answering them with a smile and was asking the same question to them too... Is it not enough ..?? And I was not pretending ... But why they have to make a comment like this... It's not like that I am not silent... I do prefer to stay silent... But their comment always irks me... Wherever I go this comment follows me like a shadow... One thing common in all families... If anyone declares about a person, all would see that person from the same view. no one tries to look the other side.. I hate it.

And in end, I started believing that I have a relative phobia which is solely their perception.

I started believing that I don't like people around me. I don't like to mingle with others. I don't like talking with people.

I sat over my cushion sipping my tea. "Do I really not like the people around me?" I asked myself .. and the answer is freaking no...

Looking at my 7 years son I decided. I will never ever judge his characters and make him see himself from my eyes. Maybe I would be wrong in this also. But It needs to be my intuition my decision my perception not others.

"It's just a simple gesture ... Just talk with them naturally with a smile... It's just as simple as that" my sister said taking a seat beside me. She knew about me and she don't want anyone to point anything in me.

"You think I am not trying... It's just I can't meet their expectations" I said and she sighed... I can't act for sure... I really like all people.. but the way they try to interfere in all other lives is what irritates me.

"That's not a right way to behave" my mom yelled at me and all I could do in return was to just stay calm. Why the hell everyone wants me to change? Can't they just accept that it's me, not their any imaginary character where they can get what they want?

Honestly, I don't want to explain anything to anyone as I know that everyone will think the way they have prepared to think. So it's of waste to explain them as to why I am like this.

Being relative phobia, I am at least proud that I don't have time to gossip about people I don't know.

If it's rude when I don't fake my smile, then I am happy that I am rude.

If it's harsh, when I make an honest comment, then I am happy that I am harsh.

If I am arrogant, when I don't know to act in front of all, then I am happy that I am arrogant.

In short, they tagged me as relative phobia. If I am the one, I am happy that I don't have to bother about gaining a good impression anymore.