Fool's Paradise

Chapter 2: Forbidden Love

Ava awoke suddenly. Piercing blue eyes, that was all she could remember from the dream that caused her to awaken so abruptly. The cat and dog seemed to still be soundly asleep, unfazed by her rude awakening. Ava climbed out of bed. The bedside clock said 5:30 a.m. She dressed in simple jeans and a tucked in pink T-shirt. She pulled on matching socks. Ava walked down to the kitchen to make coffee and buttered toast. She ate in silence trying to recall the dream she awoke from. All she remembered about it was a sense of urgency and a superbly handsome man with eyes so blue. He leaned over her as she was laying still with a crooked grin on his face. A grin that said he had the upper hand and that she had a lot to lose. Ava shook her head. "How weird that I remember the feelings and intent of the dream but not the content. I know I've seen that man before. Wait!" Ava sat her plate in the sink and went to the living room. She picked up the Fool's Paradise game guide from the coffee table. She opened the guide and there in the beginning was the man tipping his top hat. The drawing looked so much like the blue eyed man from her dream. Ava laid the book down she laughed aloud at herself. Of course she dreamed about him she was looking at the book right before bed. She felt foolish for thinking there were anything to be worried about. She stared at the cover for a moment and decided the book definitely had to go into the game room. Ava began her chores for the day. She swept and mopped. Then she dusted and vacuumed. The house was in a very cleanly state when she was done. The animals came down the stairs for food when they heard the vacuum cleaner going. Ava fed the cat and dog before watering all the indoor plants. It was a full morning but everything thing felt fresh. She went to the attic to find the old round oak table that was stored there. She managed to somehow make it to the second floor with the thing. It was heavy and she nearly fell off the third floor landing with the thing. She knew it would be the perfect table for her brother Tanner to play at with his friends in the new game room. Ava polished the old wood and made it shine. The scent of lemon filled the room. The sun was shining bright outside. Ava opened the windows to let in the fresh air. It was a beautiful day. The room overlooked the backyard and the many flowers Grammy Rose had planted there. Soon Ava would have to return to work and things would go mostly back to normal. She had been on vacation so that she could go through the things in the house finally. It had taken time to be ready enough to take on the task of going through all the things her grandmother had collected over the years. Ava felt she was ready to go through the things that her grandmother had cherished in life. She wanted to move some of the furniture around and re-purpose a few things in different rooms. There weren't many things she wanted to change because she didn't want to lose the feel of Grammy Rose in the home. Ava began putting books on shelves and arranging them so her brother could find all his gaming books. She put his dice boxes full of different types of dice next to the gaming books. She decided that the other shelves would be a great place to store the many board games they had played over the years. Ava worked on the game room most of the morning. She stepped toward the doorway and turned to look at the whole room. She smiled, pleased with her progress. She had hung maps from her brother's games on the walls. The books and games were tucked away neatly on the shelves. Fudge slowly walked into the room and twined herself around Ava's legs. She jumped up onto the round table and began to bathe. "Ah ha. Chairs. We need chairs Fudge." Ava exclaimed to the white fluffy cat. She took the stairs two at a time. She had seen some very pretty wooden chairs that looked sturdy enough in the attic the day before. She walked to the middle of the attic and spotted six wooden chairs that were stacked on top of one another. They were dusty but looked as though a quick polish could change all that. She pulled two chairs down and an old cardboard box came tumbling to the floor. The box fell to its side spilling forth its contents on the dusty wooden floor. Several leather bound volumes lay in a pile with one to the side lying open. The handwriting scrawled on the page was very feminine and neat. Ava bent to pick up the journal and stared at the date at the top right corner of the page.
"Dear Diary, I saw him staring at me again today. He is very handsome. I just cannot seem to feel anything toward him. I have tried to think of him that way but there are really no feelings for him in that regard. The one I truly care about can never be. My feelings are wrong and I can never tell anyone who it is my heart desires. Father would have me sent away to have my head fixed if he knew who made my heart beat quickly. Although it is 1966, Diary. Viewpoints could change on the subject. The Halloween dance is next week and I fear that Joseph is going to ask me to go. I have heard that other girls tried to refuse him. He isn't the type to take no for an answer. He scares me. I have been avoiding him so I might be safe. I saw the decorations the decorating committee chose and they are groovy. I want to go to the dance just not with Joseph Morris."
Ava closed the diary. It was her grandmother's. October of 1966 would have meant Rose Steinmarch was 15. It was the year before her mother was born. Ava had never been told who her grandfather was. She knew the tragic story though. Her grandmother had been raped at the age of 15. She was sent to somewhere in a small New England town in New Hampshire to have the baby. There she was home schooled and had the baby in secrecy. She stayed on until she returned at 18 to her home town with her two year old in tow. Ava's mother said no one ever asked and nothing more was said since Rose's father was dying of cancer. Not long after she returned home he passed away and she had to take over the household because her mother was a wreck. Ava stood from where she had been crouched reading the diary. A small black and white photo slipped out of the journal and fluttered to the floor. Ava bent and picked it up. "Allison and Rose, January 1967". There was a young smiling Rose Steinmarch staring up at Ava. Another beauty stared forward with a smile of true happiness on her lips. The girl was about two inches taller than her grandmother. Her hair was dark. She had her arms around Rose as though they were the best of friends. They looked so happy. They stood in front of a white two story house. The house was utterly enormous. Flowers were behind them and around them. Ava imagined her grandmother must have had a similar honey blonde color to her hair like her and her mother. She was so young and beautiful. She was exuberant in the photo. Ava put the picture back in the diary. She put all the diaries back in the box and lifted it. She carried the box to the desk in her bedroom. She then brought the six chairs to the game room and polished them. Ava spent the remainder of the day putting the little touches into the new game room. She placed "Fool's Paradise " on the shelf of board games. "There. All done." Ava went to the kitchen and made a grilled cheese with tomato soup for her dinner. She had brought the diary from upstairs and curled up on the living room sofa with the cat and dog to read it after dinner.
The days skipped and it was the day of the Halloween dance. It was dated Friday October 28, 1966. "The decorations looked so pretty when I arrived but I think after tonight I will hate Halloween forever. He never asked me to the dance but it didn't stop him from what he did tonight. The tears can't stop as I lay here in the hospital bed. I will never forget when the teachers came and how Principal Mayers punched him. He bloodied his nose because of what he did to me. Joseph Morris took from me something I can never have back. He stole my innocence. He ripped my purity away and spat upon me like some dirty animal. I thought I could handle myself, but I was wrong. Mother won't stop crying and father keeps threatening to kill him. The police came and all my friends kept asking if I was going to be okay. How could I be. He kept hitting me when I refused his advances. He said girls like me were good for one thing. I remember him ripping my dress and I screamed. I passed out and nothing else. I woke up in the hospital. A seed grows inside of me, his seed. I want to rip it out of my body. I wish I could just die. I don't want this. Now the one I wanted to love will never look at me the same. All the kids at the dance know. It will be the talk of the town. I overheard mother saying something about sending me away. I am scared. I have never been away from my family.   I don't want to leave and I don't want this baby inside of me. I was asleep for six weeks after what he did to me. They said I was in a coma for a short spell. The doctors didn't think I would ever wake up. The only good thing was that Joseph had been arrested but Father said that he would probably walk free in a few weeks. All the more reason for my parents to send me away. They are worried for my safety."
Ava flipped the page the diary skipped to January 21, 1967
"I saw her again today. She took a photo with me. I haven't asked why she is here. She is amazing. Her hair gleams in the light like a raven's wing. Her smile makes my heart warm. I want to hold her hand but I don't know what she would say if I tried. Her eyes are so green. I could lose myself for days in them. No one would ever understand the attraction I have to her or that I use to have for Rebecca. I have lost all courage in even asking a girl to go out with me. No one in my life would understand. I know there are those that have been killed just for having these emotions. I have done enough to shame my parents for a thousand lifetimes just from what Joseph did to me."
Ava sat a little straighter. "My grandmother was gay?" Ava smiled and thought it was sweet. Yet how sad that she couldn't love the person she was most attracted to.
February 4, 1967
"Allison grabbed my hand in the garden when she was trying to pull me along to show me the roses. Her hand was soft and warm. When she touched my skin it felt like electricity had sparked me to life. I watch as she speaks and all I can think of is how I want to kiss her lips. I have spent the last week tossing and turning thinking about how I want to tell her how I feel. I can't stand to see the look of disgust that everyone gets when they realize I don't fit into society's little perfect square box. I can't tell her and it makes my heart ache. The nuns here are so strict and heaven forbid they find out my devilish desires. It would be straight to hell with my soul. Eternal damnation they would tell me. Well I say to the hell with all of them. If you can't be happy then what is the point of it all.
February 13, 1967
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I made a card and some cookies for Allison. I have been pacing in my room. I want to give them to her but what if she refuses me. I can't take any sort of  rejection, not from her. Not my beautiful midnight bird. I fear I may be falling completely in love with her. I can hardly stand to be near her without my heart nearly pounding from my chest. I nearly know she must here it beating so loudly. Then there is the matter of this baby that grows inside of me. I feel so ashamed. Allison has never judged me. She just smiles her brilliant smile at me. Oh, diary what am I going to do?
Ava closed the diary and stretched. She looked at the mantel clock the fireplace mantel. It was after midnight. She decided bed was in order. Ava and her two tag along furry friends, slowly walked up the stairs. The cat and dog crawled onto the bed and snuggled up to Ava as she drifted off to  sleep.