No one but you // Roger Taylor fanfiction

95

April 3rd 1985
Warning: angst
Melissa's POV

How could I let this happen to me again? What have I possibly done wrong to this world for it to hates me so much?

This is the most traumatized I've been. My hands are constantly trembling, my heart continues to race, the constant feeling of fear and anxiety running through my body.

I didn't sleep the whole night. Even though I didn't want Roger with me I still needed him to fall asleep. The entire night I was in tears about how my life turned so fucked up after just one accident. I was outraged at one point after Roger left that I smashed the lamp onto the floor. I don't know why I did it or why I was feeling so outraged!

I couldn't explain it but when Roger touched me last night it just didn't feel right. I felt lost, hurt, I didn't know what to do in the situation. But one thing for sure I couldn't let him find out about last night, well, I wasn't going to blurt it out too him. I need time and a place to figure it out.

I know he is going to hate me for this but it's what right. I don't any unnecessary attention on me while he was on tour. That's just not right.

I was thinking about going home back to the kids so that way I wouldn't be able to see Tom's face again. But the thought of being with Roger kills me.

For the first time in a while, I got out of the bed and almost immediately had to gain support from the bedpost. The thoughts of last night came back into my head of me struggling to walk.

The sound of the television outside scared me. Every little sound is making me jump and I was constantly being cautious around my surroundings.

I started to clean the room up a bit, picking up all the glass shards off the floor by hand and throwing them in the bin. Surprisingly I didn't get hurt but as I walked passed the mirror
I noticed tiny scratches that almost look fresh on my upper arm I looked everywhere else if I could find anymore scratched and I found more on my thighs and legs. What did I do? Was my first thought.

I'm a bloody 36-year-old woman for god sake! How could I act so childish?

After cleaning up a bit more and trying to cover up any marks that were left on my skin last night with my foundation and then wrapped myself up in a robe and went outside the room.

I heard the sound of the TV along with Rogers quiet laughs. I walked straight passed without him even noticing and went straight to my handbag frantically searching through it to find my anxiety pills. Pills that Roger doesn't know I still keep.

I popped out two pills and went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. I walked passed the sink and noticed the two wine glasses from last night inside. Roger must have put them in there.

"good morning angel!" I jumped at Rogers own words "you feeling better today?"

"mhm, much better, " I lied as I swallowed down two pills.

"Thomas wants us at the gig at around 10. Are you coming with me?" the sound of Thomas' name made me freeze "Mel? I asked if you were coming or not?"

That bloody name, Roger. Why would you mention that bloody name!

"Roger does not! fucking say that damn name ever again!" I yelled making him become startled. Maybe its the fact that I yelled at him again?

"what the hell has gotten into you? You were perfectly fine yesterday before I left. Now it's like a demon has possessed you or something!?" I mean he's not wrong. When I looked myself in the mirror I could definitely say I looked like a demon with all the makeup dripping down my eyes and my messy hair.

"Roger, I-I-I'm sorry, I-I don't know what's gotten into me, " I suddenly burst out into tears again.

Roger was quick to my aid but he didn't touch me. It's like he was scared of me "can I touch you?" he finally asked. I nodded my head and ran into his embrace. His long arms went around me holding me close.

"Please don't let me go. Please don't let me go, " I repeated onto his chest while sobbing.

"I'll not go anywhere. I'm right with you forever. It's going to be impossible to get rid of me"

He laughed and held onto me tighter. I was feeling so comfortable right now that I just didn't wanna let go of him.

"I'll come with you. I don't want to be alone ever again, Rog. Never!"

I really wanted to tell him but it will ruin too many things for him and the band. It's not about me, it's about the rest of this tour going well.
***
My body was shivering as Roger and I walked through the gig which was an outdoor stadium. It was a bloody cold day today. I hate Melbourne weather one day it's hot and the next is cold.

I was still cold even though I had a jacket on with gloves and stockings. Nothing seemed to do the trick.

I was utterly afraid of running into you know who. I didn't care where Roger was going I was going with him. Even if it was too the bathroom.

"do you want my jacket? You shivering like hell!" Roger offered as he took off his coat and wrapped it around my shoulders. He went in to kiss my cheek and I moved my head away. I was scared that if he kissed me it would bring back even more memories from last night.

He cleared his throat and then we proceeded to start walking towards the stage again. I held onto his hand and with my other hand, I gripped onto his shirt.

We were finally near the stage. Everything was going fine until I saw, him. He was standing right there talking to the other boys, having a laugh with them.

Almost immediately did I feel everything in my body change. My heart rate quickened, my breathing became faster, my hands were shaking even more than they already were. My hand went to my chest in a way that it looks like I was having a heart attack.

It was like a small episode of last night were flashing before my eyes. I could practically hear him whispering in my ear and I could feel his touch.

"Mel? You alright baby?" my gaze left Thomas and went straight to Roger's eyes.

"Roger don't let him near me, please, " I said quietly. He then looked away from me and looked towards Thomas and back to me again "he won't hurt you. I promised you, remember?"

I can't tell him now. If I do then he would hate himself for not being there. I couldn't let that happen. But I couldn't control myself, my boy was acting different and all I wanted to do was go home and cry under the bedsheets.

"Roger I can't go near him. He scares me, " I whispered," he is going to drug me and then rape me and then-"

" you're just being paranoid, my love. Thomas wouldn't do that, " he laughed which broke my heart into pieces. I mean it's not his fault he doesn't know.

" I think he is very capable of doing such things! Roger he-"

"you need to calm down, alright?" He kissed my forehead. When I felt his lips touch my skin it completely scared me, I can't explain it but it reminded me of Thomas kissing me.

I pushed him off me again and folded my arms and avoided eye contact with him "Roger, I-I don't know what wrong with me. It's like I'm trapped in a box filled with nothing but darkness and fear. I d-don't know what to do"

"we'll sort this out later. Here-" he threw me his car keys "take the car home. I can get one of the boys to drive me back."

"Roger no I can't be alone. Please don't-"

"thats not what you said last night when you kicked me out off our bedroom? Just go home Mel"

He left me standing there by myself absolutely confused on what just happened. The little shards of my already broken heart broke into tiny pieces again.

I looked up and saw Thomas starring right at me right before Roger could go and shake his hand.

I'll tell Roger about him sooner or later. But I just needed more time.