Train my heart

Something..

Chan:

"Chan you should go back to the dorm you look really tired.."

Felix says quietly as he slightly jogs over to me as I'm bent down trying to catch my breath.

The truth is I was tried, but I was just trying to follow Felix's dancing and speed. He so fast, but so elegant and graceful, he makes every move look effortless.

"No.. I'm alright.. wanna take a quick break?"

He nods and goes to grab me a water bottle and sits down next to me with his legs crossed.

He's so cute.

"Felix.." he looks at me this a inquisitive look. "Why do you always put yourself down.. haha.. you know.. you're like the best dancer in the group, even when you just learnt the choreography you're still better then me now."

I try to say casually. I didn't want this conversation to seem like an intervention, but I want to know what Felix is thinking.

"That's not true Chan... Minho is the best dancer, he's more talented then I'll ever be.."

It makes me sad hearing Felix says things that put him down. He's too precious for this world.

"Who said that?"

"The fans. They always say that. They also say that you're the sexiest member, Woojin is the kindest member, changbin is rap God member, Hyunjin is the hot member, Jisung is the funny, lovable member, Seungmin is the vocal king and Jeongin is the innocent maknae. But you know what they call me?"

Felix has a sad, heartbroken expression on his face as he looked down at the floor.

"What?"

I take his small hand in my to comfort him.

"They call me useless, untalented, fat, ugly, stupid... they...they don't stop chan..."

Felix began to tear up and I felt a pit of guilt grow in my stomach. I should've been there for him to protect him from the hate. What type of horrible people are there in the world. Why would they say such things about someone so innocent and perfect?

I quickly take Felix into my hold. I felt his small hands cling onto my shirt as he sobbed into my chest. I guess this is what's been affecting him.

I need to do something.

"Come on lix lets go back to the dorm."

I help lix up and we walk back to the dorm. It was cold but I made sure to keep lix wrapped up in my arms as we talked and I calmed lix down.

As soon as we entered the dorm Felix rushed off to his room. I knew why... he didn't want to eat. He hasn't eaten all day.

"Heh chan... is lix alright?"

I turn to see Woojin looking worried.

"Not really, he's going through some stuff right now. He just needs some support..." Woojin nods and continues to make himself a hot cup of tea. "You would tell me Woojin hyung if something was upsetting you. Right?"

Woojin sighs and looks at me with sad eyes.

"It would depend on the situation Chan. If I felt like you guys could help me I would tell you, but if I felt it would burden you guys I would keep it to myself. I wouldn't want to upset you..."

Of course Woojin says the right thing and knows exactly what Felix is going through. He's literally the groups only braincell.

"Thanks Woojin... well you should get some rest. I'm just going to make some dinner for me and Felix."

Woojin nods and leaves the kitchen after he gives me a quick hug.

Now I need to think about what Felix would want to eat. I can't let him starve. It's killing me to see him like this.

I should've been there for him, I should've been the one to take all the pain away and make him realise what an amazing person he is and how everyday he is in my life it gets better...

"Chan... what's up? You seem so tense.."

I hear the soft voice of Minho from behind me as I had my head in my hands.

"Nothing Minho just go back to bed.."

I carry on resting my head in the kitchen counter and thinking about solutions.

"Something is obliviously wrong chan. Why are keeping to yourself? You know I'm here for you, right?"

Minho patted my back as it eased my nerves. I just can't deal with this anymore. The pain in my chest is too hard to handle.

"Chan I know you can't stop thinking about him..."

I hear Minho slightly chuckle and shove me playfully so I look up at him and see him giving me a knowing look.

"when you have a certain type of feeling for someone special all your thoughts suddenly are about that person..."

Minho continues as listen to him, but it's just so confusing because I thought this whole time Felix was just a little brother to me, but as days go on the feeling is changing and it's not the same as before.

"I'm just worried Minho... I'm just the leader of this group, of course I'm always thinking about him because he's part of my team."

But I wasn't ready to admit this to the boys... because if I was wrong I could mess up me and Felix's relationship and that could be the end of Stray kids.

...

Felix

I just wanted a g..glass of water... I didn't need this sharp pain in my chest...

So... so I'm just a member of his team...

He's the only person I thought I meant something to.. I thought I was something special to Chan, but I guess I'm just a stepping stone for his success...

I'm probably still in the group because it makes him look good. That's why he 'cares for me' because if were seen in public he would get praised for looking after me.

In reality I'm nothing to him... I was so dumb to think someone like him could like a pathetic excuse of a idol like me.

I might as well just go to sleep and forget this day happened.

"Oh lix you're finally back- wait lix what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I get into my dorm and I instantly run into Seungmin's arms. I didn't realise that I was holding these tears back. I thought I would be stronger.

"Seungmin... it's hurts..."

I felt my friend rub my back softly as I clung onto him. I didn't want to let go, I couldn't.

"What happened?"

I couldn't stop tearing it hurts too much as I think about how unimportant I am to Chan, I should've know an amazing guy like him would never want me.

"I like Channie... but..but I mean nothing to him.."

I feel Seungmin's chest rise suddenly and then I feel his hand wrap around me tightly.

"Don't say that lix, of course you mean something to chan."

I didn't want to hear Seungmin's words, I knew the truth. I heard his conversation with Minho.

I'm just another member.

I mean nothing...