Criminal minds secrets

Why?

Morgans pov
When I saw those two words pop up on my phone I knew something wasn't right Spencer is never awake at 5 am on a Saturday. I knew something wasn't right I tried calling many times after the fourth attempt I ran to my car and sped over to Spencer place, Luckily it was 5 am so there was no police about. as I was running up the stairs I found my key to his apartment and quickly opened the door. It was silent. There was no noise. This worried me, I rushed around his apartment then I made it to his bedroom. I saw him laid lifeless on the bed with a bottle of empty pills on the side. I ran over to him and felt for a pulse. It was very very weak. I pulled out my phone and called 911. Within 5 minutes emergency services were there and taking care of him I called Rossi first he was the wisest.

He picked up his phone on the 3rd attempt
"Rossi," he said in a morning voice
"Rossi, it's me, Morgan," I say very fast
"i know that you assclown what's going on," he said obviously mad
"its Reid," I say
"what about him morgan"
"He tried to kill his self, he's weak Rossi dont know what to do"
"where is the kid now"
"he is in the ambulance, I'm going to make my way there now"
"i will join you, you ring Hotch and I'll ring the girls"
"Thanks, Rossi"
"its nothing"

I hung up the phone and jumped into my van I wasn't allowed in the ambulance due to the number of paramedics there was. As I started to drive to the hospital I rung Hotch

"Hotchner," he said
" it's me Morgan"
"is there a case I'll be there in 5" 
"no, it's Reid," I say trying to keep calm
"whats happened"
"he tried to commit suicide, he is being rushed to the hospital now"
"i will be there in 10, and Morgan stay as strong as you possibly can okay"

I put the phone down and pulled up into the car park and ran to the reception where I saw Rossi already stood there. We were moved to a family waiting room where soon enough everyone was soon there. Of course, they were all hungover but they were still there. It felt like hours while we were waiting for the doctor.

Reids pov.
I look around to see that my body is lied on a bed next to mine i watch the heartbeat of my body to see how low it is. I look around the room to see no one from the team no one except ghosts and doctors. I went through the door to see the whole team is a family waiting room. I walk into the room and no one could see me what's going on. I'm in the purgatory the place I wait before going to heaven and hell. I'm decided that I would stay in this room and see what they all say. Jj spoke up first she had tears running down her face.

"why, why would he do this," she said

"He never was the happiest, he is good at hiding how he truly feels," Morgan said not looking up

"I thought he was okay, it obviously shows how rubbish profiles we are," Emily said.

"I should tell you all something, " Morgan said taking a deep breath. "he was prescribed antidepressants that's what he overdosed on and also sleeping pills," he said sighing.

"My genius," Garcia said crying

"What am I going to tell Henry," JJ said crying

"he will be fine, I'm hoping he'll be fine," Hotch said. You could see how Hotch and Rossi were holding themselves together.

I felt guilty. But did I.

"Did he leave a note or an explanation," Rossi asked

"Yeah he did" he pulled out the piece of paper and began reading

"if you find this I am more than likely dead, hopefully. I am sorry for the pain and trauma I have caused over the years I truly am. You were all an amazing team and I know you'll be questioning why I did this and the fact is I'm tired. I'm tired of not being able to sleep, tired of nightmares, tired of living in general. I know how stupid it sounds I sound so pathetic. I feel pathetic. And remember not everyone you lose is a loss.

Jennifer, I know you will be confused I was your best friend you would question why you never managed to profile my behavior. I know your first question will be what will I tell Henry. Just tell him that I am on a vacation and if he continues to ask just tell him the truth that I'm gone. I love you, Jennifer, you accepted me and you made me feel welcome.

Emily, I know that you will blame yourself for not being able to profile me and suspect my behavior. The truth is you will think that you are a rubbish profiler, you all will but Emily you managed to notice my change when I started to take drugs for the first time. Yes, the first time I take many different drugs in my life. Thank you and I love you for saving me the first time.

Penelope, you are the best you kept secrets and gave amazing advice just remember you need to keep giving out all the love you have. I want you to know you saved me too. When I was having an episode of feeling sad and suicidal like you somehow knew how bad I was feeling. I love you Penelope thank you.

Aaron, you will hold together the team and please do. I don't want my death to be a tragedy. I don't want attention, I want to feel sane I want to feel happy. I want to thank you for saving me from Tobias I will be eternally grateful for you saving me. I don't really know what else to say except thank you, and please make sure the team doesn't do anything stupid. Please do keep an eye on Derek I know how he will react he will grieve and then try to follow in my footsteps.

David, you make the best spaghetti.  I know that Derek will more than likely ring you first because of your wisdom. I am sorry, this probably brings back bad memories I'm sorry. God, I'm so selfish but it's finalized I'm sorry. thank you for all you have taught me you're smart you should continue writing I know how you were having doubts about your books please continue they are great and I love reading them and the fact that I got to work with you thank you for sharing your wisdom.

And Derek, thank you, thank you for saving my life many many times and thanks for looking after me, you helped me when I was struggling with drugs, you gave me secret therapy, you were my first kiss to a guy. I'm sorry.

I have some advice.
Overthinking does kill you.

I'm sorry
Spencer x

Is it bad that me whatever I am cried at that I saw all the team crying even Rossi he wasn't in full tears but you could see the tears in his eyes like Hotch, Hotch was the same he had tears in his eyes but not crying.

A doctor walked in and told everyone that they could go to my room I followed them. I followed them into the room

"I'm afraid his heartbeat is weak, it will be a miracle if he makes it to Monday." I saw everyone just cry. I'm so sorry, so so sorry.

"what have I done" I whispered.

"its all up to you spencer" I heard a voice say I turned around to see David Smiths.

"what do you mean, " I asked him

"Monday night is when you decide if you live or if you die," he said

"but I don't want to live," I say.

"No, you can't choose until Monday evening," he said before disappearing.

I walked back into the room and observed. Morgan was sat on the bed next to my body, Jj and Penelope were sat on chairs next to the bed and the rest were stood around the room. As I watched them cry and none of them talk it made me wonder do I want to live or do I want to die.
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Wow, that's the longest chapter yet. So what do you all think so far
Also shoutout to @bath_robe