- SouthPark high -

Chapter 23.

Oh, Stan........
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The way my heart dropped from where I saw Stans's hat on the floor next to many beer bottles pilling up. Some of them were broken. There were a lot of cigarettes in an ashtray, the ash was everywhere on the small desk next to his bed. My eyes trail down next to the small desk, his phone had a big crack in the center of the screen but it still looked functional.

Stan was laying on his bed his back towards us but you can see how much of a mess he was. His hair was messy and he was wearing a white t-shirt that was stained with beer. He was only wearing boxers and had one sock on.
'Damn Stan..'
I turn to look at Kyle and he has a look in his eye I can't identify.
'Is this not the first time?'

The room is filled with painful silence.
Kyle is the first to go up to Stan and sit at the corner of his bed. I follow and sit next to Kyle. I see Kyle hesitantly put a hand on Stans's shoulder gently. Stan doesn't even flinch and lays there.
Kyle speaks almost in a whisper." Hey Super best friend, I'm here". He pauses and continues, I see him trying not to cry.
" I'm here for you". Kyles's voice cracks at the end and I feel my eyes tearing up. Kyle removes his hand from Stan's's shoulder and Stan grabs it gently but tight.
No words are said but actions say a lot more than any words.
We are there for a long time. I think an hour has passed.
Kyle and I exchange glances and were sympathetic toward Stan. It's like we could feel his pain and it sucked we couldn't do anything to help him.
After a long time in silence, Stan speaks up.

"It hurts". Stans's voice was so hoarse...

Stan turns around and I feel myself hurting.
Stan's face was filled with dried tears and his eyes are pink. His nose was pink too and slightly running. But his eyes held the most pain.
His blue, shining eyes, were now dull and dark. They held so much pain and sadness.
He looked so numb.
My heart clenched in empathy.
I moved my hand and grabbed his other hand and clenched it tightly. I could feel myself wanting to sob for him.
I could tell I was crying but I didn't care.
Stans's eyes shift to Kyle and me and he smiles..just slightly.
Stan continues speaking. He takes a shaky breath.
"It hurts but it feels so numb. I can't feel anything." He brings Kyles and his hand intertwined and brings it to his chest where his heart is. " Everything is shit and so is fucking love. What's the point? What's the point in everything? Fuck everything at least I can take the buzz to FEEL something". Stan sighs and closes his eyes depressingly.
Kyle and I are crying silently but we know we're here for Stan no matter what.
Kyle's phone buzzed and he checks his phone and furrow his brows. He gently lets go of Stan's hand to text.
I decided to speak up clenching Stan's hands
"Stan I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's not fair. I would take this pain for you because you're such a beautiful fucking person and fuck Wendy for not cherishing you the way you deserved to. The pain you feel is the fucker called heartbreak. Love which is shit in life. But the point in love is to feel this shit pain and grow from it. It will bring you down but we're here to bring you up." I pause and see Stan with his eyes close but he is listening, clenching my hands tightly. His closed eyes crying through his eyelids. I take a shaky breath and continue " Bad habits are gonna stay like the scar from this love. But as much bullshit, as it sounds, you'll try to form love with someone else. And learn from your last love. It will take time and I mean TIME...to slowly heal and at the end of it, it's worth it. It's so fucking worth it like you Stan. You're worth it Stan Marsh and you deserve to hear it over and over. So don't think you're alone, Kyle and I are gonna stay and help you pick up yourself bit by bit."

I finish and the room is silent except for the sobbing of Stan.
Stan gets up slowly from laying on his bed and wraps his arms around me and sobs into my shoulder. I wrap my arms around him and hold him close.
'I'll cherish you, Stan'.
I feel the tears sliding down my face in relief and gratefulness that my words pierced Stan.
I was kind of worried he wouldn't listen at all but this is good.
Kyle stands up and smiles at me and mouths the words ' I have to go pick up Ike'.
He smiles at me, gives me a thumbs-up, and leaves silently out of the room.