Dear You

Chapter 2 - I hate you

Dear YOU!!

I needed you today but you wasn't there. WHY? We said we was in this together. I can't do this!! It hurts.

It's all too much. When you left me alone I had no idea that it would be this hard. This sucks. This wasn't our plan.

I can't go back to work. No way. Not seeing him taking your place with no guilt or morality in sight!! The mans blood must be in the minuses.

You made that company for what it is today and it is like you have never existed. You left. I wish you would come back. But you wasn't there. YOU left me alone. I was battling something I couldn't win.

I hate this. I hate you. I hate that you have left me and now I'm alone.

Thank you!

********

Dear you

I'm sorry,

I love you, forgive me. Forever you.

********

Looking through the mirror to the woman that look right back through. My hair was as good as it was ever going to get. I look awful. My eyes look dry ,puffy, tired and my cheeks looks blushed. I turned towards my side and I examined my skirt as I stretch the lining. There was a time when it was just a little tight but now - it might as well of been a tent. I need a belt. I don't wear belts. I don't even think I have one. I began to feel my  energy drop. Who knew that energy levels could change so rapidly. In that second my attitude changed from can do to won't do. I looked at my watch, which like my skirt has lost its firm grip around my skin. I need a belt. There must be one somewhere....

I started to slowly rummage through my draws on my side of our bed and through my side of the wardrobe. There was only my floral scarfs that I could probably get away with as a belt but I don't think i would get away with my bright coloured scarf  in the office. There is no belt. I need a belt.

Why is do damn hard to find a belt? I began to look through all my draws and my side of wardrobe one more time and threw everything in sight. I have no time. I need a belt. I felt a lump in my throat it was burning. I grabbed all my clothes and hangers aggressively pushed them out of my hands on to all areas of our bedroom. Why is it too hard -WHY? I need a belt that is all.

The sun caught my attention as it beamed through our window on to his side of the bed and onto a photo of us two. I followed the lines of his face and closed my eyes and took a calming inner peace breath and tears began to fall on my redden face as I opened his draw.

*********

Dear you.

I borrowed one of your belts, I hope that's ok - it is one of your favourites. But don't worry I will give it you back later tonight.

It's looks ok. It's obviously doesn't look great like it did on you but you always look good. My own Brad Pitt.

I think I can handle today I've cried only 4 times since I have woken up which was better then the 6 yesterday morning.

Love you

**********

I opened the door to my PA Helen who was waiting impatiently like a little puppy with yellow sticker notes in one hand and note pad in another and phone to her ear. My desk was exactly the same how I left it yesterday which was exactly how I left it 8 months ago. Neat and tidy with the odd stick note on either side of my desktop and facing the window was a butch of anemone which was 8 months old and I have no idea who had sent them. Maybe a client.

Helen has tried to move them out of the office but I always persist no. I just want my office to stay the same. Too much has changed. 

I examed the flowers and it still have some purple showing even after after 8 months - it still has some life in them. At least someone does. My heart sunk as my rest my bony bum to chair and looked outside the window of my office to a view of the Main city line. Maybe today I will answer 10 emails instead of 5 and 2 calls instead of none.

"Shall I get rid of those Flowers Sarah, they are dead." She smiled her way over to the flowers .

"Not yet....  " Helen face looked concerned and confused

"Soon" I brushed a smile

" ok - so what is the immediate action for today" Helen asked whilst examine my diary.

I spun the chair round and looked back at the surviving flowers and faced back to Helen

"I don't know yet. I'm a bit tired to be honest"

"How about I get you some green tea? "  Helen smiled reassuringly 

I brushed a smile once more and off she went.

********

Dear you

I've been thinking about flowers you always used to get  my favourite which are are daffodils of course.... Which most people found weird, as you could only get them at certain times of the year but you did not find them weird. You always manage to surprise me with them all year round , you always did the the unexpected and I love you for that.

Anyways I have flowers in my office - they are still alive, well 15% alive but still , they are alive - they are strong, just like you... my warrior.

I miss you

Ps I look ridiculous in your belt

Love you oh and just one more thing.....

********* 

A heard a knock on the door, why is Helen knocking on the door.

"Come in Helen''

but it wasn't Helen it was  Chris Barker