Dear You

Chapter 5- Pearl

Dear you, 

I'm still mad you but my god I miss you so much baby.

It's 4am and I have barely slept.

Why an earth did you hire him?

Why couldn't you tell me?

I don't know what to do...give me a sign.

I think it is time for me to leave. Start new adventures. I cannot cope with seeing him sat in your place and everyone acting like nothing has happened. 

He has changed your office - it's now a typical corporate office, all bold colours; no sense of your spirit is there. He has sucked out the life of your office. No pictures in sight. The office is no longer home. 

I need your help. Leaving is going to be difficult.

I love you. Sleep tight my darling (but I'm still mad at you)

******

I walked into the office acting totally oblivious to Barkers email yesterday. I placed down my bag and headed towards my desk and fired up my emails..

Helen came in with optimism and proudness and so full of life with her bold pink hair and out there outfits. This is what I love about Helen, she always come in to work with a positive head on her even the days when she is covered with sticky labels all over her and her phone is going non stop. She wasn't much younger than me she is 26 and I'm 29.

We have much in common and we share the same sense of humour. I do not see her as my Executive PA but as a team. We work well. I love her out there style but today, actually since I have returned she has been wearing extremely tight fitted clothes that focuses on all her areas....

My phoned buzzed, it was yet another call from both my sisters and mu mother. This has become the norm, calling three times a day. Asking how I am , if I have eaten, if I have taken my sleeping pills and if I made a decision about seeing a therapist and today was no different. I put my phone on silent as Helen handed me a large cup tea.

" Good morning Sarah"

"Good morning Helen. Thank you very much. LIFE SAVER. Extremely needed today. "

Helen got her macpad and awaited my command.

" I can't believe you are leaving Sarah, I won't allow it and that's exactly what I will say to Chris when I see him, he is nuts to let you go"

" Don't worry about it. I think it is time .... Maybe , who knows." I turned my chair around towards the flowers  that are still holding out and I took a deep breath and turned back round and smiled 

" I have forwarded on some cv's applications. Please could you arrange interviews this week for this Thurday and Friday preferably finishing at 1."

Helen made her way to the door 

" Oh and Helen please could you bcc Mr Barker"

I looked up  to Helen who was looking at me questionably.

"I know, but he cannot tell what to do. Don't judge me , you should know me by now I won't be anyone's puppet" I smiled

Working through the Hampsons files and reevaluating their contract. I received yet another phone call from my sister Becky but to my relief i was saved when my door opened and in my view was John; Barkers PA.

"Good afternoon Mrs Swansport I was looking for Helen .I have some scheduling to go over with her for today"

I pointed towards my dark purple vintage sofa signalling him to take a seat.

" Helen has an appointment but I'm sure I am able to help? after all they are my meetings... but I can't say I will be good as our girl Helen"

John slowly walked towards the sofa and sat besides me. I shot up to grab my diary and Jack mirrored my actions. 

" Just grabbing my diary I'm old school John,not much of high tech on diary requirements. So what's can I do to help"

John anxiously brushed his hair back and  straighten his tie "Would you like a drink Mrs Swansport"

" No thank you but do help yourself to the bar if you would like a drink yourself"

"No thank you, Chris would like a meeting with you later on today. 3pm works best for him?"

" I see. Do you know what it is about?"

" Regarding the cv applicants "

" 3 o'clock it is? is that everything" 

" At the moment yes I think so. Thanks Mrs Swansport"

" Please call me Sarah. I hate all the formalities"

I looked at my watch it was 14.55. I got all the documents prepared for the meeting. I was intrigued to know how this meeting was going to go.

I repeatedly been telling myself I won't be staying no matter what he says. I need a fresh start ,somewhere I can wear a pair of jeans and a jumper and let my hair loose. Somewhere I can eventually smile and mean it without my husbands absence burning in my memory.

I took another look at my self in my office mirror and put my hair up after a minute release. I examined my ring which is now too big for finger. So many memories, I remembered when he proposed to me in Greece, on a privare beach. It was perfect apart from the ring. Which was 24 carrot gold with a princess cut diamond. I sound ungrateful but I never liked gold. I always imagined my ring to be an off rose pearl with a white gold band with little specs of sparkle - specific I know but I never told anyone I always thought the right man would know but that was very unrealistic of me. However, the ring grew on me and now it's my favourite thing in the entire world. It was a symbol of a beautiful marriage, yes it was a short 4 years together but nothing can compare to it. It was enough love that will last me forever.