Find Me • Kobe Paras

Find Me • 10

"you should go inside, kawawa si pauline" saad ko, but kobe was hard headed, he was pacing back and forth.
Nakatingin lang ako sa swimming pool, watching his reflection.

"you were meant to go to paris? But you stayed because I was just sick?" kobe repeated,

"hindi lang just yun, no one would take care of you, I had to stay." sabi ko, kobe rubbed his face out of frustration.

"what opportunity did you waste?" kobe asked, standing still, I dipped my feet in water.

"let's not talk about it." saad ko,

"no, I want to talk about this." kobe said, parehong matigas ang ulo namin.

"bukod sa paris ano pa pinalampas mo agatha?" kobe gritted his teeth.

"marami" mahinang sagot ko, kobe sat down beside me.

Siguro kanina niya pa sinasabunutan yung buhok niya kung mahaba iyun, nakangiti lang ako.

"agatha, why are you like this?" he asked, looking at me.

"don't give me the reason na mahal mo ako, you wasted a lot of good opportunities, dahil lang mahal mo ako?" kobe asked.

"edi wala akong ibang rason na masasabi sayo kobe."

"you're making me feel guilty here agatha."

"you shouldn't be, conscious decision yun"

"but ang dami mong sinayang para sakin"

"choice ko yun."

"I feel bad"

"wag nga sabi"

"agatha, bakit ba ganyan ka sa akin?" he asked. I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"bakit mahal mo ako?" kobe asked.

"mahal kita because you are a good person, and a lot more reasons that are still unknown to me" I said, at pinilit na ngumiti.

"now let me ask you a question kobe, I need this for my sanity."

"go on" kobe said, looking at the pool.

"bakit hindi mo ako mahal?" I asked him, closing my eyes, ayokong makita ang tingin ni kobe sa akin.

"kasi mahal mo ako"

"ay tangina"

"you love me more than yourself agatha, and para siguro sa iba that's a trait to love, but you love me so much that i'm scared to love you kasi baka hindi ko mapantayan yung pagmamahal mo sa akin, baka kulang ako, baka masaktan kita, baka masira natin ang isa't isa"

Tumalon ako sa pool, crying under the water, kobe stood up. Inahon ko ang ulo ko, at ngumiti sakanya.

"you said you never want to see me cry in front of you kobe, I'm not crying, my whole face is wet." sagot ko, kobe shaked his head, and went to get a towel.

Pumikit ako at sumisid papunta sa ilalim, sabi ni kobe when I confessed to him, ayaw niya ako makitang umiyak ever, so it has been a habit na whenever I know na kobe will say something that'll make me cry, I make sure na nasa dagat ako or pool, because I always think about kobe, and I know na kahit papaano masasaktan siya when he sees me cry.

"agatha, ano ba!" ricci shouted, I swam up.

"sarap ng tubig no? Ang nice pa ng stars" sabi ko, looking up, I was crying pero hindi halata kasi basa ako.

"agatha..." juan whispered, lahat sila nasa labas na, even pauline.

"nag swimming lang naman ako, bawal ba?" tanong ko sakanila, javi rolled his eyes.

"magkakasakit ka niyan, umahon ka na." louise said,

"masakit naman na, hayaan mo lang" sagot ko, kobe looking down.

"j-just let me be, p-please?" sabi ko, tumungo ako sa gilid ng pool, my head on my arms. Hindi ko na mapigilang maiyak, looking at pauline, I started to look at myself, I started to think about the reasons why kobe chose pauline over me, kahit ako yung laging andyan for him, kahit ako yung hindi umalis sa tabi niya.

Maraming bagay na meron sakanya na wala sa akin, siguro mas adventurous siya, siguro mas gusto ni kobe yung ganon, siguro hindi niya hinahabol si kobe, siguro hindi siya nagpapansin kay kobe, siguro she lets kobe be a man and siguro nagpaligaw siya. Hindi katulad ko, ako yung babaeng naghahabol kay kobe, kulang nalang ako na manligaw, pinagpipilitan ko yung sarili ko sakanya. Baka tama nga sila, baka masyado akong naging aggressive.

Mau tumalon sa pool kaya't napa tingin ako, kumunot ang noo ko when I saw him.

"sarap ng tubig no?" he asked, I smiled wiping my tears, I swam towards him

"iyak mo lang yan, but make sure na last na yan agatha"

"baka magkasakit ka" sabi ko, he smiled,

"edi sabay tayo magka-sakit" he joked, swimming away from me.

"how'd you know I was here ty?"

"kobe texted me, he asked me to cheer you up."