MONSTERS (Z. M)

Chapter 15

You know that feeling, that no matter what you do, wherever you go you don't fit in? You don't know whether you have grown too fat  or the places just shrunk, or both. I didn't know a word for it,I don't have a word for that. My life was the definition of sick and boring and miserable. I mean, they locked me in there, after my child died. I was a second away from going crazy.

No one talked to me, not my brother, not my friends I had a few friends but surely they didn't need to shun me like that. My dad stayed away after I asked him to.

You know at the hospital after I accused him of killing my child, I thought he was just going to leave me at the hospital,I prayed for him to abandon me there, I wanted him to abandon me at the hospital so I could disappear from the face of the earth. Imagine my surprise when they dragged me to our second palace and locked me into some witches old bedroom room without even a mirror, only to be let out during my baby's burial.

After that, they just locked me  right back. For months, I tried every possible way to end it. To put and end to my suffering but my dad was a thousand steps ahead of me. He had every single thing that could be used as a weapon taken away. I didn't even have a pillow, maybe they thought I could smoother myself and die. They didn't want me to die so that they could lose there torturing object. But he was right.

Every thing seemed like a weapon to me. I was a magnet to death until one evening when my dad brought me food and miraculously, forgot his newspaper. That was when I learned that he, Justin, was still alive and apparently, he owned some stupid clinic.

I pulled myself together, first, I wanted to do one of those "you left me thinking that I could die? Guess what, I am here shining bright like a diamond," so I could really shut him down. Then, I... I don't know, the rest was just going to fall off into place.

I cleaned myself fucking  up and waited patiently. I worked on myself every single day making sure that I pushed my chest up and jutted my butt out to acquire this amazingly seductive look that I used to have once upon a time,  right before I started brooding and actually started growing broad shoulders.

I wanted him to want  me again but only this time, he would not  get anything, not even a handshake. I got a nice hair cut and treated it really nicely. After the transformation, I asked for new black clothes.

After everything was set, I worked on facking my"-I got over everything" self. I needed everyone to believe that I had moved on, in order to get their trust. I got my ducks in a row and every time that I could feel overwhelmed by emotions, I cried on the inside like a winner.When I was done with crying, I went back to holding my head high.

So high I fear I could stumble on something, fall and break my facade self. I didn't want to lose that facade , Not until Justin told me why he did it, why he abandoned me to die an agonizingly slow death.

I suffered mentally, physically and emotionally. And that physically suffering thingy, wasn't even a joke, I got some really bad aching in my breast the first few months. I had to pump milk out of my breast on an hourly basis and to make matters worse, I had to do it in front of the people I hated the most.

I finally did, a couple of months ago, I tracked him down with the help of our new chauffeur. Every time I lied that I was going to the cemetery to visit my mom and son but instead , We snack to his office but  he refused to see me, each and every time . Not once while I kept going to his office , did he ever give me the  time of the day.

Zayn was starting to get a little suspicious so  I reduced the amount to twice a week and then once a month but he never ever let me in. Even his secretary started feeling sorry for me.

How on earth did he think he had the  right to not see me. Hee left me, locked up for nine months. Our baby died and he didn't even have the decency to come to the funeral. I watched my dad call him many times to inform him about our baby's unfortunate death but no. He did not answer.

I went to his old house and his neighbor told me that it had been a year since he moved in the middle of the night. He was smart, kept every thing a secret from the media. All I got was the clinic and nothing more.

I wished many times that Henry was there so he could kick him in the butt,I wished he wasn't mad at me and left me alone to rot. You know sometimes I think Zayn and my dad were right:I had no idea what love was.

I had feelings for the wrong people. I loved my dad and he turned out to be a monster who wasn't worth any feelings but fear. I loved Zayn like a brother but he turned out to be the devil. And Justin, I adored him but he left me.

I wanted my dad to feel my pain. He was the reason for all that. I wanted him to lose a little bit of something like I did, to lose someone like I lost my baby. Unfortunately, he was always with company. Zayn and Flawrence were always there for him.

Flawrence  had retired from the prime minister position. Unlike presidents position that lasted as long as the president was alive,the prime minister's came to term after ten years.

Ten torturous years, people suffered from her reign. And it was Just because she opened her legs for my dad. Just like the way people of Happyville were suffering from my dad's oppression . he was the most self centered creature in the entire universe.

I didn't get his obsession with me. I was twenty one but he kept treating me like I was a toddler, he looked like he wanted me to still sleep in my crib.

I was in my room crying my eyes out after being rejected, again, when the door flew open.I hadn't see the person but I could tell it was the president by the perfume he wore. That black widower scent left me quivering with chills.

"What do you want Hillary the president? "I quickly wiped my nose with the back of my hands.

"Ouch!"he exclaimed holding his chest. Whatever!

"What.you are hurt because I called you out on your tittle. You should be happy. You love stomping on people. my mum,my brother and me."

"Don't talk like that...I loved your mother. "

"Sure . You loved her enough to punish me for getting pregnant when I was nineteen, like her. Dad I wanted to get married to the man I loved but you ruined that. I am never going to forgive you  I swear on my mum's grave."

" Your mum, my late wife must be turning in her grave hearing you swear like that on something you don't even know. "I rolled my eyes at his attempt to talk his way out.

He shook his head and continued," You were supposed to marry Zayn. That was your mum's idea since you were little and she made me promise her that I would marry the two of you,right before she passed away in my arms."

Ever since you were just I baby, your mum saw just how perfectly you and Zayn were. " well God forgive me for this, but mum must have had something in her eyes. The guy and I, were like oil and water, I had started hated him along time ago, I just tolerated him because they were always there, at our house. The douche even had I room in my house.

"You know when you were still in your mummy's tummy, she loved Zayn  so much that when she found out that the baby she was carrying was a girl, she made me promise to marry the two of you."

If that was acting, my dad was in I wrong career by being the freaking politician. He was best at acting." she wanted you to marry her best friend Zayn.I was just respecting her wishes because I loved her so much."he finished then wiped her nose looking everywhere but my face. I wanted to ask that if she loved my mom why did she always look so sad?

If he loved my mom, why was there always I banging behind the close doors, why did I always hear my mom whimper after he had walked out the door sweating like I pig? .

"Stop it, you are lying to me  like you have always lied to me my entire life. " I  stood up and walked around the room aimlessly. I couldn't believe the nerve of that guy. "My mother would never have done such a thing. She wasn't you..."

"I am sorry okay honey, I know that I was a monster when I  opened or dtHe nodded yes  before wiping tears off her cheeks. my dad really did love my mun.I had misjudge d hin "dad I am so sorry." I run into his arms.