Wings Are Flawed (An Andy Biersack Love Story)

Chapter 36

Chapter 36: Andy’s POV
                Camilla was dropped off at her grandparents’ house in Ohio on the last week of the tour. It would be nice to go start setting up our new house without a baby to take care of. Although I would really miss that little squirt.
                I was driving down the road, keeping my eyes on the road as we drove down the unfamiliar street that now holds our new house. “I’m going to miss her.” I sighed. Carter chuckled.
                “She’s only going to be gone for a week.” She said. “Your parents adore her, they will definitely have a good time watching her. She’s not that bad either. Everything will be fine.” Carter promised me. I nodded as I fiddled around with my radio that was playing a crappy song.
                The streets were pretty and it looked very family friendly, I even saw a lake here!
                I continued to drive to drive till a buck with large antlers ran into the middle of the road. “Andy!” Carter shouted as I swerved the car off the road. The car started heading straight into the lake. I tried to swerve again but my wheel was stuck and I couldn’t get my wheels to turn. Carter grabbed the wheel but she couldn’t get it to budge.
                And we went straight into the water.
                The car was already sinking and I had unbuckled myself already while Carter was struggling. The seat belt was jammed. I opened my drive door, holding my breath and I tried to pull her out myself. I was tugging and pulling as hard as I could but the seat belt was too tight.
                Carter was trying to break free and she started to slow down. I continued to pull, my lungs were aching for air and I felt like I was about to faint. Carter stopped struggling. She was motionless. I swam out of the car to grasp some air. I was light headed and dizzy but I had to swim to the bottom.
                I needed her.
                I swam under and the car was all the way at the bottom and I couldn’t reach her. I came back up to the surface and policemen, ambulances, paramedics were already pulling me out of the water. “Carter!” I screamed. I heard a helicopter flying over and ducking down near the lake.
                “Were trying to get her sir, please calm down.” A nurse said to me.
                “For all I know she could be dead!” I snapped at her. I was taken to the ambulance where they were attaching an oxygen mask to my face. I was still dizzy and I couldn’t walk in a straight line as my eyes continued to play tricks on me.
                I saw my black mustang being pulled out of the water and I saw her inside. Still motionless. I prayed on my heart and soul she was a live. I was praying so hard. I can’t lose her. She’s me, she is my life. I can’t let my life slip away.
                Paramedics rushed to Carter and they opened her door and they put their hand on her pulse. He lightly shook her head as he took out a box cutter blade to remove her seatbelt. I felt tears being streamed down my face as they were pulling out a stretcher and of course.
                The body bag.
                I felt my face being drenched in the tears that held all our memories and moments together. I felt everything running away to join Carter in heaven. I ripped the oxygen mask off my face but a police officer was already holding me down. “Sir, I know you know what happened to your wife but we can’t have you over there.” He said calmingly. Nothing was keeping me calm at this point.
                “My wife is dead.” I said to him. “I can’t even see her god damn body?” I asked him, tears stinging my eyes. The water rushed down my cheeks as I felt the last few weeks memories flood in. She told me we were going to grow old together.         
                This was all my fault.
                “Carter I’m sorry!” I screamed to the sky, falling to my knees. “It’s my fault your dead I’m sorry!” I cried as all the memories made my heart burn in agony. I was coughing tears as everything she told me, every memory we held danced in my head in mockery of her death.
                “I love you Carter, I won’t ever leave you despite the circumstances. If you ever are dying I’ll fight for your survival. I love you my wife.”
                Those words stung in my brain. Our wedding night, those words I said to her during our first dance as husband and wife seemed to mock me as if I was pathetic. It mocked me like I only said it make the moment more real or romantic.
                I want to die with her. I wanted to die next to her. I wanted to be there with her on my final breath saying I love you to her. I wanted to hold her hand as the heart meter slowed down. I didn’t want her to drown at 24. She had years ahead of her.
                They were stopped.
                It was all my fault. If I just swerved the other direction everything would be okay. I fucked up both of our lives. Actually, I lost a life. I was still staring at the ground in tears as the car with Carter’s deceased body laid as it rolled away.
                Couldn’t I have just died with her? Why did it have to be this way? I wanted a family with her, I wanted to have more kids with her? I wanted to continue my marriage till I was 85 and dying with her.
I'm living a life of misery
Always there just under me
Haunting me, quietly alone
It's killing me, killing me
Dead and gone, what's done is done
You were all I have become
I'm letting go of what I once believed
So goodbye agony