JANE:Heal Me 💔

The Past

Jane's pov

I know am not perfect.In fact am worst than any of my sisters.

I have a bad attitude,I do things that can hurt people emotionally if not physically.I get in trouble without even trying.

I don't know where I went wrong.The same mother who took care of me took care of my sisters,how come I turn out like this.How come they get to have the piece of my mind I crave so much!
How come they get to be happily married and become big people in the society and I...

I'm doing it again...I chose this life for myself.Ever since I decided to stop caring about everything.I did this to myself.I'm a useless being for trying to blame my misfortune on others.

No one asked me to move out of the house after high school.No one asked me to stay in a abusive relationship.No one asked me to be loner!All by myself I destroy everything my hands touch.Like a living and walking virus, everything falls as soon as they come in contact.

Even a baby didn't want me for a mother, hahahaha...It just had to leave and me been the pathetic excuse of a human being that I am didn't even know of it existence until it is gone cause I was too busy hating everything in my path.

I'm useless a total waste of space.Dying will do me and everyone else a world of good.

But...

I don't want to die.I want to be happy,I want to sit with my family during family dinner and be myself.I want to go out to different functions with my husband without being fat shamed or causing trouble.

Is that too much to ask for?

I know am not the best person out there but...

"Jane!"

"Are you ok?"I turned to see Ben sitting beside me on my hospital bed and holding my hands and looking worried .

I wish I could say no and continue crying like I feel I should be doing but I can't,am tired of seeing that guilty look  on Ben's face or how worried my family has been for the past three days.

"I'm fine Ben"I smiled genuinely this time, unlike the first time Ben walked in and I tried smiling not to worry him further but I broke down exactly five seconds later as soon as I saw the blood and tears streak in his face.

"Are you sure Jane?'

"Am sure Ben! You're here to take home right?"

"Yes dear,sit on the wheel chair,the family are all waiting outside, though I tried persuading them not to come like you asked me to dear."

"It's ok,I really don't mind I just didn't want to bother anyone."I replied trying to stop the smile that tries to show ever since  Ben started using endearment.I just don't know if he is doing it because of what happened or because he really meant it.

We made our way out of the room and got bombarded with enquiries,if I was ok from my family and Ben's parent as if they weren't here last night until the nurses had to force them out.

"I'm fine!Can we go now?!"

"You're coming to my place right?"Josephine asked giving me the puppy eyes.

"Josey don't be ridiculous am going home with my husband,you guys are welcome to our house."

Josey and ma decided to go home with   Ben and I now,while others made promise to come later during the day. As soon as we got home,Ben decided that all I needed to was stay in bed and never get for a week whistle my ma decided that I needed to eat as much as I can and Josey thinks a massage will do me a world of good.With the three of them arguing,I couldn't help but think of ,how I dug my own grave by inviting them over...

...Wait if I have to deal with this now,what then will happen when the others show up?

Hell no!Am going back to hospital at least the doctors can restrict them from entering my room right?