SUGAR

Twenty One

Anthony

"I'm not here to make you do anything you don't want to do. Are you sure this is what you really want? You could go home if you're not completely comfortable." Sherie said crossing one leg on top the other making her pencil skirt rise a bit showing off her long brown legs.

"I'm sure.. I'm just scared I guess." I shrugged. "Damn I feel like a pussy saying that shit." I shooked my head. "See that's what I mean." Sherie laughed.

"It's normal, I promise. Especially when it's your first time. It's not easy coming to counseling. Although it does shows both maturing and growth. You've realized you can't win all your battles alone. Rather it be from faith or just talking to a friend. Sometimes strangers are perfect. You can't be judged by someone who doesn't truly know you, I'm only here to listen and offer feedback if wanted."

"How many times you've said that? You sure it ain't rehearsed?" I quizzed her. I couldn't trust nobody honestly.

"It's the truth, that's all that matters." She smiled pointing her ballpoint pen at me. She was right about that shit cause rehearsed or not I felt every word and believed it. "Now let's cut the small talk. You've haven't left yet so obviously you need a ear. What brings you in?"

"Well shit.. I ain't even twenty five yet and it's like soon as I got out my teens I grew up quick. I always took care of the people around me but who the fuck took care of me?" I asked not wanting a reply as I continued to let it all out. "I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of hurting people, I've only had one real love. It was a different type of love too... Something I've never even felt from my own mother." I scoffed.

"I tried changing and doing better. I hated how abusive I become.." I averted my eyes from hers embarrassed to even admit my wrongdoings. "Both physically and mentally. She turned me into that though! Then she made me have no other choice but to do the unspeakable." I felt my eyes began to tear up as I quickly blinked them away. I felt Sherie watching me intently taking in all that I said. She didn't have a look of bitterness but of empathy.

"May I ask who..?" She asked hesitantly. "Who would make you do such a thing?"

"No disrespect to you or any other woman but I don't want even want that bitch name to roll off my tongue." I said harshly. Sherie nodded her head tight lipped unsure on how to respond to my remark.

"I did it not only to protect myself but the ones I love. To protect my first real love." I shook my head. "She was the reason I wanted to change. I loved her so much I didn't want her to be caught in something she had nothing to do with just because she was associated with me. She didn't understand that though. I needed someone after all this and she left me alone. Played on me like everyone else." My heart broke thinking about it.

"I was finally good to someone again and it still didn't work." I placed my head in the palm of my hands. I never felt heartbreak like this. Since Sugar left it never stopped aching since. How the fuck could Sugar make me feel this way. "I..I can't finish this shit today." I got up grabbing my jean jacket throwing it over my white tee I wore. Sherie said nothing and watched me go to the door to leave.

"If it makes you feel any better you did well today. Everyone can't open up like that in one day. If you decide to return, I'm here. If not, I feel like you made the best decision at the end of the day being that it was also to protect those you love. That makes you strong and you did the right thing. You were selfless." She smiled.