Why me?

Freak out

"Are you sure your gonna be okay?" C asks as she is walking toward the door. After we went back to my house we studied and ordered a pizza and now C is the only one left. I nod my head and usher her out the door. "I think I'll be okay, I'll probably turn off my phone and stuff so you won't be able to reach me but it's going to be alright." I try to reassure her but she doesn't buy it. "Make sure everything is in order to keep you safe okay we can't go through what we did last year." I lower my head in pain at the mention of the stunt I pulled last year. I knew it was stupid but it seemed like the only thing to do. "I didn't want to make you upset but I'm just trying to make sure." I slightly nod my head and start to close the door after I whisper bye. I sink to the floor afterwards and just sit and think for a while before starting to clean up and go to bed. I wake up the next morning with a heavy heart. Today was the day that three of the most important people in my life died. My parents and my best friend, Catherine, my parents from a house robbery shooting and Catherine from....a different reason. I didn't feel like doing anything today. I turned off my phone, tablet and computer last night so no one can reach me. I get up take a shower and get dressed, coming back into my room I just lay there. Staring at the ceiling for I don't know how long , thinking, and trying to feel something. I've been so numb to this for so long that I'm going insane, I want-no need- to feel something. I finally get up and go to my window to watch the sunset. It was beautiful how the orange rays hit the hold in the distance and the sky begins to get a pink tint to it. I watch and it just reminds me of when my mother used to take me and Catherine to the beach to watch the sunset. My mom always treated Catherine like a daughter and we were always together. I feel a tear start to run down my cheek and I wipe it away in confusion. I haven't cried for two years, why now? Then it all hit me. All the emotions at once sadness, anger, confusion, pain, anguish. I start breathing heavily and the tears stream down like rivers and my vision goes a little blurry. My head hurts and I can't think I just know that I can't breathe so I run outside for some air. By this time it's dark and the light from the cars passing by disorientated me more as I keep walking. I find myself in the middle of the street not really caring what happens to me at this point. I stand trying to control my breathing so I don't pass out or throw up. My vision returns to normal and my headache resolves to a dull throbbing as my breathing slows. Right when I can see properly again I hear a loud horn and brakes screeching right before everything went dark.