Joy of Missing Out

Chapter 3: Is your heart taken?

Most people bring souvenirs from France; I brought back with me nothing but terrible exhaustion. Perhaps it had something to do with what Harry and I did, though definitely not skiing. My mom noticed that and suggested a full day of sleep but I couldn't do that. Firstly, she hosted a family dinner the next day. It was special because I was going away and not going to be home at Easter. Secondly, I was moving in with Harry. We had finally found a flat in London to temporary live in while we're recording Up All Night. We had nowhere near the £2 million bonuses we subsequently got paid after the release of our album but enough to live by. The flat was a few blocks away from the studio yet perfectly distanced from all busy parts of London. Considering we had limited resources, we were never unsatisfied with it.

My family didn't mind me going out of Doncaster for days or months because they always expected me back home. My mom, however, really wasn't ready for my move. She was quick to assure Anne she should get used to her children moving out but she was so upset when it was my turn. After her split from my stepdad, she was losing yet another male companion. It wasn't easy on me either. We had been together longer than she was without me. She had me when she was eighteen and nineteen years later I was leaving her side. She did promise to come for a visit whenever we weren't busy, which is the idea most teens dislike, but I adored.

I brought less of my stuff to London than I imagined. Seven large boxes was nothing compared to Harry's eleven. We spent hours cleaning before any of them could be unpacked. Then, when it was time to do so, Harry decided to make tacos. The kitchen was nowhere near done or clean enough to cook dinner but Harry was determined. I liked it as much as ever before but I was too tired to appreciate his efforts. Now that we shared a place, I was also reminded about my promise to cook for him. I dreaded that day.

Later that evening, after showering off the dust from every inch of our body, we cozied up on our bed. He was still reasonably tall when we established (or, he decided) that he was the little spoon. He soon grew out of my hugs as fast as he grew out of his Hollister collection. I anticipated a moment like this for so long. We had never really been alone thus far. In the X Factor house there was always at least ten people around, same as wherever we went as a band, and in our family homes there's always someone who just wouldn't leave because they're so happy to see you back.

"I love this so much and Shania just makes it better," Harry said, of course.

He played Shania Twain on the laptop before I could take it out of his hands and play something (literally) closer to home. Oasis and Arctic Monkeys played in the background of our conversation. It was dark and just enough chilly to best enjoy the night under the bed sheets. I hugged Harry from behind and put my head as close to his as possible. He smelled like love.

"Thank you for making me feel safe," Harry said and squeezed my hands around his neck.

"Oh, you're so fucked. You're never getting away."

"I don't want to."

"But if you ever do..." I couldn't even enjoy the moment completely. I became hesitant. Simon's advice and the rules of conduct we contractually had to obey were stuck in the way of my affection for Harry.

He turned to face me and lay on my chest. For a split second nothing else mattered.

"No. And that's a firm no," he finally spoke.

What changed that day besides our address is how strongly we cared for each other. I think I always loved him, but after confessing it to him and hearing it back, we fell deeper in love with each other. Our love was mutual. We discussed it.

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I don't know where this photo was taken but it's convenient that there's boxes around them as if they've just moved in (update: randomly saw it on Instagram; it's in Glasgow, December 2010). Simon supposedly gave each of them £2 million as an advance for their album. We know they lived together for a while in Princess Park (thank you Louis for confirming it in 'Habit'), but I imagine them living together even before in one of the more modest apartments (no pun intended, I swear). Also, I guess they moved in September of 2011 or later (that's when the articles about their move first came out), so I imagined Louis and Harry renting some place while they were recording UAN just so they wouldn't be far away on their days off.

Q: Which two clues can you find? (hint: one is a line from a song, the other from an iconic interview)