Joy of Missing Out

Chapter 12: Let me love you goodbye

The second time I knew not to bring any shorts to a ski resort. Not even for sleeping! Five years before, I froze my ball off just walking around the bedroom. This time I packed extra warm and quite few things because I knew I would spend days in the same sweater. I was so wrong to do this.

When Louis and I first visited Courchevel in 2011 we had no money for extravagant hotels. I don't even remember where we stayed, it was a generic, not at all memorable room we had. We did pass by it on our way to our hotel this time and it shocked me how far from the happenings we were. No wonder it took forever for Stan and Johnny to come back to the hotel after their night out. We were now staying in an actual resort and boy was it warm. There was less wall than window space and none of the windows made whistling sounds when the wind blew. We got used to the standard when we stayed in hotels with the band but this was new to us in the Alps. I quickly realized I that underpacked and actually needed those shorts.

We arrived the day before New Year's Eve. Since we came from the US after a short trip there the first day was hell, we stayed in bed all day but doing nothing but sleeping. The next day at noon Eleanor came to wake us up as neither of us picked up the phone. When she stormed into our room and yelled at us to get up, I threw a pillow at her. Surprisingly fast, considering I was half asleep.

Eleanor and I got on well. We had to. It was either me or her who was around Louis at all times. It was in my best interest to always know what he's up to and Eleanor was usually the person to know in cases when I was being extra stalkery but didn't want to bother him. Of course, I hated it when they kissed or held hands but then I had to remind myself who he's known to be dating. They didn't have to put on this image for New Year's Eve. Eleanor and two of her friends went out and came back the next morning. Louis and I spent hours in the outdoor hot tub waiting for fireworks. It was magical. And it was cold.

Later we relocated to the hot put inside our room. Yes, we had two Jacuzzis. I didn't know that. Louis booked the hotel and was so happy about them. As it goes the first hour of a new year, we kind of spiraled into a deep conversation about future.

"Will you keep wearing the rings?" he asked me. I nodded.

After a few silent minutes I spoke, "Will you write to me and about me?"

"Yes. Will you pick up if I call you at 2 am?"

"Without thinking. Will you think about me as much as I will think about you?"

"Of course!"

"Then there's nothing to worry about."

"...You're right. Nothing."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

We started the year fucking and going skiing. For three days in a row I stayed out. Eleanor and Louis went skiing alone just the two of them and then Louis and I went by the end of the day when you can still see but not enough to ski. We walked hand in hand or jogged until we were out of breath and that happened almost immediately. I am only a good jogger on the concrete; not sand, not snow. We ate a lot so we wanted to stay active. But all those work outs left me with no clean clothes to wear. I was not going to hand wash my stuff so naturally I went shopping.

There are no Gucci stores in the Alps I found out. I was going to meet up with Louis after that. But I was feeling mischievous. Usually I wouldn't talk when there were people around so they wouldn't hear me. They couldn't recognize me anyway, under all that equipment. So I joined Louis and Eleanor in disguise, without them knowing. They were snowboarding and there were lots of people at the beginning of that trail that I didn't appear suspicious standing in one place without a snowboard or skies. Eleanor's friends were there too. I didn't recognize them but I heard Eleanor laughing at them falling. She was very good at it; Louis too. I only knew who Louis was because I knew what he put on before he went out in the morning.

He was getting tired. It was lunch time and they had been there for hours, since breakfast. He stopped very close to me and started talking to a guy from our security. We faced each other but he wasn't looking at me. I was standing behind the man. I fucked up when he praised me.

"They're terrible at it. Not Eleanor. I don't know if you've seen Harry snowboard. He's amazing!"

It took him a moment to look at me but I smiled without even trying to hide it.

"You motherfucker. Hi, Harry," he shook his head.

When he said that the guard turned around. "Harry, I think you should go."

"No. Wait, how did you recognize me?"

"You smiled!"

"I didn't laugh."

"But I know your smile."

Later that day we all got lunch and the next morning we had to fly home. Home... I don't know if I ever said that word eagerly when I referred to my house in the next year or so. Louis and I stayed away from each other after the trip. Again, we didn't break up. We never broke up until a year later. But with the band going on a hiatus we knew we wouldn't see each other as often and we didn't want to risk it. It was healthy for our relationship. At least that's what I tried to convince myself every time I got home and Louis was not there. It began as a reaction to his absence, then it became my routine. I bawl my eyes out then go write a song.

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I actually didn't even research what they did around New Year's Eve. Update: I remembered he was with Kendall in St Barts but who cares. Also forgot Louis was dating Danielle at this point so this is a poorly researched chapter. Just imagine I wrote her name instead of Eleanor's. I won't change it because a few people had already read it. And it doesn't matter much, it's not an Elounor fic.

Q: Louis releases Walls in two days. Are you 99% or 100% certain that's what he's getting Harry for his birthday which is the next day?