Unspoken Misery

CHAPTER 6

I went closer to him and put my hand on his shoulder as I am staring at him intimately.
"Professor~ Please let me off this one last time. I'll behave well until graduation~"
I whispered into his ear and squeezes his arm gently.

I move closer to his face, trying to touch his lips with mine when he held my shoulders and gently push me away.

"I guess you misunderstood me Miss White, As soon as I became your Professor, being a man was put aside. I dont know what happened to you that made you think that way but stop." -Professor Calvin.

Am i not attractive enough? should I insist a bit?
I wrap my arms on his neck and put his hands on my waist like as if i didnt hear anything.
I lick his ear when for the second time, he pushes me away.

"You may got no respect nor dignity for yourself but to me, you are still a lady worthy of respect. Now, Go back to your class" -Professor Calvin.

I was stunned, a Lady worthy of respect?
I dont know but this moves my heart a little.
I went back to my Class,no one dares to bother me. They all remained quiet so a day passed peacefully aside from me being bothered by my own thoughts.

"What's with him? that professor trying hard to get tss" I whispered to myself as im walking back home.

When i reached our front door, Dad opens the door and smiled at me which surprised me.
I was stunned for a moment but thats just it, I wanna smile back but why does it feels like I am still unhappy.
"Come join us in the sofa, we got something to tell" -Father.

I followed dad through the sofa and saw Mom sitting there with my brother.
Mom smiled at me.
Am i dreaming? is that what you guys expect me to say? well. I am unhappy, I dont know what happened but i dont feel excited anymore.
"Come here dear sit beside me, how's your studies?" -Mother.
What's with these awkward atmosphere.
I smile a little but i sure do look hesitant and awkward.
Why does it feels like, I should feel good and happy but it feels very uncomfortable.

I sat beside mom and she comb my hair gently, I dont know but it feels like this isnt right.
I felt unfamiliar with her, maybe because I got used being beaten up than being cared for.
"You are turning 18 soon sweetheart, what theme would you like for your birthday? it must be grand" -Mother.

I am surprised,very. Is this really mom?
"M-mom. are you okay?"
She replied with a sweet smile.
"Honey" -Mother.
She looked at dad and to my surprise dad actually.

"Let's have this family fixed." -Father.

What? have this family fixed? am i even part of it? fix? you think breaking nor having a plate shattered into pieces as tiny as ashes can be fixed with that statement.
How absurd isnt? but what can i do?
Fuck, I am left with no choice.
Left with no choice? or im just scared that I'll be thrown out on the streets.

"We're Okay. Right Dad?"
I tried to fake a smile but i Know i look hilarious.
You As The Foundation of this family, you knew i am being tortured by Mom until im fainted but you did nothing. You didnt even talk to me all these years nor dare to gave me a look.
A Mother who blames me for not being good enough as her punching bag or to satisfy her being sadistic, A brother who never look at her sister but dared to rape me.
I Wander how will we be able to have this family fixed.

"I mean, lets be more okay" -Father.
He gave me an assuring smile i dont know but I find it creepy. isnt this what i wanted the most from the very beginning? but why am i Unhappy?

"Let's try to get along well." -Mother.
she is my mom but why does it feels like these words aint coming from a family but from a stranger.
I guess there goes the saying "blood is thicker than water" right into the trashbin.

"Let's All Be Lonely Together~ Let Our Anxiety Eat Us, Let Ourselves Be Drown To The Deepest Misery Of Our Lives."

~ScarredPhysique