My Mistake (Sequel To My Baby Brother)

Day Out

With the bullshit that Bill had thrown at him I decided that it'd be best to take my brother while my grandparents took my parents to church. He had gone to the police and they were questioning the boys about it. I knew they'd all deny involvement despite there being video proof of incident. But right now Bill just needed to get out because he was suffering from the evil hands of his depression.

We walked down the streets of Berlin while he stared almost directly at his feet. I wanted to say something but this walk was to help him get some air. He needed to say something. It wasn't for me. But from the look of things, this walk would be entirely separate silent spare our footfalls. I occassionally glanced at him and he'd be in the same position. It was a warm day and I had to cheer him up.

"Hey, do you wanna go to watch the horses?"

"I haven't done that since I was like five."

"It's a beautiful day and I'm sure they're out. We aren't to far from home and I could get my car and we could drive out to the country and watch them."

I think I spotted a smile on his face before he shrugged his shoulders.

"It's whatever."

I brought him back to the house so I could get my car. We immediately hit the road and drove to the autobahn. Bill stared out the window the entire time while we drove to the plot of grassy field where you could spot wild horses in it. Bill used to bring carrots and he'd coax one to trot up.

Before heading directly there, I stopped at the mini mart. I picked up a pound of carrots and put them in the back seats. Bill didn't bat an eyelash. He just sighed and leaned his head on his open palm. I was hoping that this flash from our childhood would somehow make him feel better. He's been down this destructive path of possible oblivion. Mom feels that I'm the only one to break him out of this.

When we got to the field three horses were grazing. I grabbed the bag of carrots and we sat five feet away. Bill didn't seem interested at first. Then he suddenly took a carrot and held it out. A horse saw the vegetable and walked over. Bill stood and started to gently pet the animal. This was the first time in days I'd seen my brother be Bill in the past few days.

We watched those majestic animals until mom told me to bring him home. Bill climbed back into my car and before we pulled off he touched my hand and smiled.

"I'm glad you're back, Tomi."

And for once I didn't feel like I'd failed him. Bill was happy. He was smiling when we got home and he even smiled while we sat down for dinner. My brother was not this black hole anymore. He got into the family conversation and he was ready to be involved. Bill was actually giggling.

"Mom, I'm ready to tell Oma and Opa the truth. I'm okay with them knowing Tom is straight and that I'm gay. I hate that he's taking such heat for me when I'm the bad apple."

"Bill, you aren't the bad apple. Look, my parents aren't the best people in this world and they don't dictate how I raise my children. You are my son and your father and his your brother and I love you."

Bill looked away and sniffled.

"Mom, why am I a fuck up? I just don't understand why people decide to hurt me. They fucking love Tom! I'm just bullied. No one loves me."

"Sweetheart we are our own little family. This means we all stick together. Every person sitting in this room right now loves you and supports you."

"Do you really?"

"Yeah we all do."

Bill just wiped his face very messily. I put a comforting arm around his shoulders and squeezed tightly. I love my little brother and won't let anyone else hurt him.