You'll Never Get To Heaven (if you're scared of getting high)

Lost in Limbo

"So," snarled Crowley under his breath. "The mysterious Daniel. Which boss were you intending to call a two-dicked fish, Raphael or God?"

"What was that, snake?" Dagon asked sweetly, readjusting their corset.

"Nothing, my lord."

"I thought not. Seems this young lady was a Principality all along. Angels everywhere. We'll have to up our own presence on Earth, now it's--still around."

Kylie--Daniel--beamed at them. "So the word is out. I prefer Princess, but angel works. Sorry, but I couldn't trust you to confide in me, especially if you were looking for an angel. Hi, everyone." She bowed to the assembled thrones. "God only knows, I haven't seen some of you since the Fall. Feels like a step back in time."

"How long have you been on Earth, dear?" Aziraphale asked politely. "Since the beginning?"

"I should be so lucky."

"Long enough to go native," Uriel said disapprovingly.

Daniel shrugged slender shoulders. "Can't make me Principality of Marriage and not expect me to get interested in all the lovers."

"And marry them?" Crowley asked.

She blushed. "Well--I was assigned the body of a red blooded woman, and it was love at first sight, you know. And I wasn't actually in Heaven, right? So the rules about marriage made in Heaven don't really apply."

"That's sophistry and you know it," the Metatron said, quite kindly. From what Crowley knew of the Metatron, he always did sound kind. On the other hand, he was Sandalphon's brother, so he was probably a smarmy bastard underneath.

"Something had to stop me from Falling," Daniel pointed out.

"This is irrelevant," said Gabriel. "The question is whether to allow the question of marriage and intimacy for these two."

"And in general," Sandalphon said, almost as quickly as Raphael said, "For all of us."

"I don't see in these rules in the new era," Sandalphon went on. "It should be us against--" He caught himself. "We are all, in our way, doing God's will for the humans."

"The Almighty was clear about the rules when She made the Heavens," the Metatron said.

"Why don't you ask Her now?" Crowley asked, lifting his hand, the gold angel marks shining. It only coincidentally looked like he was giving the finger to Gabriel. "Seems to me the rules change all the time anyway without any direct input from Her."

"I don't need to ask Her. I am the Voice of God, and I interpret--"

"No one is asking you to question Her," Aziraphale said, softly. "Just to look at Her Will now." He touched Crowley's ring with his own ring finger, and both rings sparked blindingly. "She has chosen not to engage the War between Heaven and Hell, despite the Great Plan. She has spared her favourite children, the humans. Perhaps these rings are a sign of the need for greater cooperation between us as well." Crowley, feeling like he was going to burst with either pride or how damned turned on he was about the way Aziraphale was gently bossing everyone, slid his arm around his angel's waist and pressed closer. It was even more attractive watching him lecture the Metatron than it was seeing him dispose of customers.

"Your God had nothing to do with it," said the Leviathan through three of her heads. "Our Lord decided not to engage out of amusement and pride in the natural disobedience of His child."

"That's an interesting way to look at it," Aziraphale said, a bit snidely, as the archangels shifted resentfully. "Nonetheless, no battle was engaged, and here we are. Neither of us struck down, not then and not now. And my wings are as white as ever."