Rainbow Six Siege x Reader One Shots

doc | to my youth

looking out of the window of the truck as the mission had finally ended, your mind started to wander to the past of you and Gustave. you've been friends with Gustave since kids, you've seen him grow and change into the person that you know today, the kind and selfless man that he is, learning to love others and himself and knowing that he had to power to end or save lives and using it for good, his childhood was a fulfilling one and one that you've witness.

however yours was different, it wasn't that you weren't love or grew up in a broken family, it was that you've always been looking down onto yourself since young that it has impacted you negatively, all the times you watched as your peers succeed and moved on while you stayed average or compared yourself with others and most importantly, to Gustave. soon everything became a competition with others, your friends turned into enemies and became your competition.

you remember telling Gustave briefly about how you felt as the both of you were taking a break from studying for your university entrance exam, about how the pressure was starting to weight you down and tear your self esteem down, but when Gustave asked you to elaborate your feelings so that he could help you, you just waved him off and change to subject, you didn't want him to see this part of you as your weakness and never bringing it up again.

and you've kept this heaviness in your heart, even till the both of you had grown up and ended up in the same CTU, years and years passed as you dragged this baggage along with you, even after the both of you became a couple, this monster just couldn't let go it's hold on your heart.

"what's on your mind?"

you turned around to face Gustave who already had his eyes on you and his hands slowly encasing yours as he leaned closer to you.

"nothing, just tired." you lied through your teeth and leaned back onto the metal behind you.

"don't lie to me." he sighed and placed his arms around your shoulder and pull you to rest your head on his shoulder, "it's only right that i help to de-stress you, i am your partner after all."

you kept your silence and let your eyes shut slowly and moved closer to Gustave, holding onto his arms and getting ready to sleep and avoid the conversation like you always do.

"you know, i still haven't forgot what you told me that night." he said and held onto your hands tighter, "i'm beside you all the way."

you let your eyes open once again and felt the familiar sour feeling creep up your nose and your vision started to blur as the tears started to gather up in your eyes, the tears you've been holding back all this time was finally set free.

"you've tortured yourself enough for the past years, every time i tried to bring this up, in hopes that i can relief your pain and be the one to shoulder your pain, you always push me away, it is okay to walk into bad places but it's not okay to unpack your stuff and stay there." Gustave breathed, "you've wasted so much of your youth caught up in your pain and choose time after time to suffocate yourself. you would always say no to hanging out with us after class in hope that you could spend that extra time catching up with your studies, you think that i'm not aware that instead of using that time like you intended to, you spend it crying and stressing out?"

your sobs became louder as you hid your face on his shoulder and gripped onto his sleeves tightly as he told you the harsh truth, the truth needed for you to set yourself free from this prison that you kept yourself locked in for so many years.

"but did it feel stress free when you skipped a day at gym to come with us to the carnival when James invited us to join the other operators? i know you feel that things are finally getting better, and things are getting better. you just have to trust the feeling and let yourself get better."

what he said was true, you could feel yourself getting better but constantly letting the fear and pain hold you back for fully recovering and letting the scars that it left on you to heal and breathe.

"so my dear, give yourself a break and let me stay by your side all the way, let me be your listening ear whenever you feel stressed, don't keep it to yourself, i am your partner after all."

and Gustave held you as you sobbed, letting his words in and healing some of the ache in your heart, what he said was true, your youth, your most beautiful moments was wasted on wanting to suppress others, letting the silly thoughts into your head and finally make a name for yourself when you should have been moving forwards together with your peers and most importantly, with Gustave.

as you let your pain out, Gustave was there holding you all the time as his hands rubbed up and down your back, his mouth whispering promises that he would keep to the grave.

"i'll help you find yourself and i won't stop till we've reached there."