Listen to Your Heart

Chapter Ten

*Gaga's speech, the dialogue from the show, and the lyrics of Shallow do not belong to me. :)*

"You look gorgeous."

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she turned around, instantly brightening. Sam's voice always felt like a warm hug, not unlike the man himself, and she greeted him with a kiss. "Thank you. It's good to see you again."

"It's always good to see you. How have you been holding up?"

She never said as much to him but the older man seemed to know when she was struggling, whether it was physical pain or emotional strain and he would go out of his way to ask questions that were kind and never remotely intrusive, so that he could help in some way. He was a true gentleman; a rare thing in Hollywood, to be sure.

"I've been okay," she said amicably. "Getting ready for Vegas."

"Katharine and I already have our tickets," Sam's eyes twinkled. "How're you doing now? Nervous?"

"Kind of," she had to admit, looking around the lavish backstage set up of The Hilton's Grand Ballroom. "I guess I'm feeling a little...out of place." She shook her head, dismissing the thought as quickly as it left her lips. "Doesn't matter, though. I'm here for Bradley."

She and Sam were only two of the many people there asked to speak about Bradley as he received The American Cinematheque Award for outstanding achievement in film. The pride she had for him was immeasurable and it was an honor to be invited to contribute but there was a part of her that would always feel like someone had gotten it wrong. She was the new kid in school here; a novice among heavyweights. Despite having a Golden Globe, there was a sense of imposter syndrome whenever she was among other actors she admired greatly.

"You'll be great," he reassured her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Just speak from here," he gestured to his own heart, "and you can't go wrong."

My heart is exactly the issue, she wanted to tell him. It's so enraptured with this man that I tend to stumble when I speak. I don't make any sense. I feel like my head is going to implode at any given moment.

"I'll certainly try." She managed a tremulous smile, straightening her dress so that it flowed neatly at her feet. A production coordinator gave them a five-minute warning and she could hear their introduction being given.  Sam winked at her.

"It's now or never, kid."

She'd sung in front of hundreds of thousands of people, she'd played the goddamn Superbowl, but as she and Sam stepped out on stage, her arm looped through his, butterflies fluttered down low in her belly. The gathered audience compromised of revered actors before her gave her pause and she had to take a moment to collect herself before she began speaking.

And there he was, his eyes trained upon her from his front table, looking at her encouragingly. And all at once, she calmed, steadied herself and fixed her on gaze upon him.

Speak from your heart, Sam's words echoed in her ears.

And so, she did.

"You know, when we do these Q&As and things together, sometimes you call me Gaga, but we both know," her voice wavered, "that you call me Stefani."

All at once, she felt the tears come, her throat constricting painfully, and she had to force herself to take a few deep breaths.

"I ran from Stefani for a long time, and I put on a superhero cape and called myself Lady Gaga. You challenged me to deep dive into a place where I had to see her again. Where I had to be Stefani again."