Listen to Your Heart

Epilogue

As it turned out, having difficulty letting go was a blessing, even if it had taken many years to recognize it as one. What she'd once seen as a hindrance that interfered with her life or weakness as some would have her believe, was now something that was simply part of what made up Stefani---no different than her short stature or her innate sense of fashion.

After many missteps, she was with someone who not only encouraged her to hold onto what (and who) she loved with her entire being but helped her to see it as a gift she'd been given.

Her refusal to relinquish meant she had friends for life; once someone was in her heart, they were there for keeps. This, she came to believe, made her loyal, supportive...a good listener. It also helped her to be a better daughter, granddaughter, sister, godmother and a kinder human being in general.

Holding on meant she didn't throw in the towel easily when a situation was difficult. She dug her heels in, gripping at whatever she could until she preserved. It served her well in business, especially after she and Sarah launched Haus Laboratories. There was pressure to be successful, most of which she put on herself, but her steadfast tendencies made her as tenacious as she was stubborn.

But it was in the arena of love in which Stefani went on the greatest journey of self-discovery of all: not being willing to let go did not equate with settling for less than she deserved or putting up with toxic behavior. It didn't mean running blindly into a situation, when she knew it would only be disastrous in the long run...it didn't give anyone an allowance to mistreat her and for her to stay, simply because she was unequivocally afraid of being alone.

It was almost unbelievable now to think how afraid she'd been...of failure, of hurting him. The fear of fucking up had been paralyzing but her practical side realized her defense mechanisms were protecting them both. And they had until the day it walloped over the head that just as with everything else, she couldn't let go of how she felt; the sheer intensity, how natural it was to love him and more than that, she didn't want to. The day she'd stopped struggling against the tide had been the day her heart had opened, fully, and she looked into his eyes and she knew she'd have to hold onto him, too.

Life these days was solely about what made her happy. Bradley. Lea. Her family. Friends. Music. Collaboration. The self-doubt, the worry, she'd somehow do something to drive him away remained to fetter at the surface, but the thoughts were mostly kept at bay now because joy echoed much louder in her head than fear or trepidation. Bradley made sure to erase any traces of alarm, not with words so much, but with a touch or a smile, giving her room when he sensed she needed it, listening when she was ready to talk, by being the partner she'd always wanted but never truly believed she deserved.

As time wore on, Stefani discovered there was never any need to do an announcement regarding their relationship. Backlash and gossip died down as it tended to do and one day, they were inclined to hold hands in public, so they did. The news had gone viral instantly but instead of either of them making any definitive statements through their publicists, they continued to live their lives out in the open, not hiding anything but maintaining their privacy. The whole thing served them well and it was a relief to be able to go to dinner and travel between California and New York  and not have to deal with any concerns other than the paps keeping a respectful distance, especially if Lea was with them.

Lea herself had become her little love. Intrinsically, she knew that if she had been adamant about pushing Bradley away, not only would she have surely missed out on great love, but she also would never have had such a wonderful relationship with his daughter. The little girl was her shadow when they were together and she loved her as though she were her own. One of the greatest feelings in the world, one that set her at ease on even her darkest days was Bradley on one side of her, holding her hand and Lea on the other, her tiny fingers curling around her own, placing all of her trust there with the same casual manner she exhibited when she handed her a grubby fistful of Goldfish. It warmed her and she carried that warmth with her always but specifically when she was away from them. It made the return home all the sweeter.

And, as it also turned out, she hadn't needed to leave Ally behind either.

The late morning rays of the sun poured through the shut blinds creating beams of light that blanketed the stark whiteness of the room, gently lapping at the petals of the many flower arrangements decorating windowsills and side tables--gifts from those she loved, most of whom had graced her with their presence for hours, finally leaving so that she could rest. The suite was silent, save for the gentle sound of breathing as she looked down at the most precious gift of all in her arms, so transfixed, she was unable to tear her gaze away.

"You're perfect, Alessandra Joanne," she tested the name out on her lips, lifting her head to look at Bradley, meeting his grin with one of her own.

Their Ally girl.

Bradley carefully positioned himself on the bed, delicately caressing the baby's cheek. "We did good, didn't we?" His eyes were wet. "She's beautiful. Looks like her Mama." Grabbing for her hand, he dragged his thumb lightly over her knuckles, laying a kiss where his fingers touched. "You were a warrior...I'm so proud of you. How are you feeling?"

"Uh...sore, exhausted. Sweaty," she added, her expression serene. "And happy, B...like...indescribably happy. And God, so in love."

"Same here. With both of you."

As if on cue, the baby opened her eyes, her unfocused gaze seeming to search for Bradley's voice. "Well," Stefani smiled tiredly, "I think she wants Daddy."

Gingerly, Bradley took their daughter from her, cradling her head in the crook of his arm. "It seems like a thousand years ago Lea was this tiny."

"You're doing great," she reassured him. The sight of her love, holding the life they'd created together brought her to tears and she let them fall as he carefully leaned in to connect their lips in a gentle kiss.

"Hey there," he spoke tenderly to her, his eyes filled with affection, "you are one loved little lady, do you know that? Your Grandma Cynthia and your Papa Joe were here earlier and your Aunt Natali and all of Mama and Daddy's friends, too and your Grandma Gloria and your Aunt Holly will be here soon, and then you'll get to meet your big sister. She's been waiting, not so patiently," he and Stefani shared a chuckle. "You're gonna adore her."

He brushed his lips over the crown of the baby's head. "I promise, you're going to grow up with so much love and music and joy. And you probably know this already, on account of the two of you spending nine months together, but your Mama? She's pretty special. In fact," he dropped his voice to an audible whisper, "you hit the jackpot, having her as your Mom." He turned to her, "but I guess I'm really the luckiest one of all."

"It isn't luck," she chided him teasingly. She swept her palm over the sole of Ally's swaddled foot. "It's fate."

"Fate," Bradley repeated, his hand covering hers. "That's definitely what it is." He glanced down at their daughter. "And how about you, Ally, care to weigh in?"

 In his arms, the baby cooed and they both laughed. "She concurs," Stefani wiped the dampness from her cheeks. "I love you so much, B."

"I love you, Stef."

They'd come full circle: Ally and Jackson, Bradley and Stefani. Call it luck or fate, everything was exactly as it was meant to be.

Finally, miraculously, gloriously, she knew exactly what it was she had been holding on for. 

Thank you for reading!  <3<3