Listen to Your Heart

Chapter Eighteen

**Trigger warning: One mention of rape**

Oscar preparations were well underway and Stefani realized that meant she had to do everything in her power to ensure that her body cooperated; a deep tissue massage, medication, and a quick phone consultation with her team of doctors. Everyone's general advice was the same: she should try and relax and though that was easier said than done, she was aware how imperative it was to make an effort: The Oscars were a huge night, not just for her, but for the entire cast and crew of the film and the last thing she wanted was to let anyone down.

The flare-up had been a bad one; the worst Bradley had witnessed, but she'd been in too much agony to feel like a burden. He had wanted to do everything in his power to help and she truly wanted him there. After the pain had slightly subsided with touch and her meds, he had eased her into a hot bath, leaving only to return with a mug of herbal tea.

She hadn't asked for anything other than his presence but he'd had the foresight to call Ashley, who in turn set her up with a massage appointment and the doctor call and once she was feeling more herself, he settled her into the bed. As she was on the edges of sleep, he stepped outside of the door, speaking in hushed tones to Natali who'd tentatively come by to check on her. "I'm okay, Natty," she called out, but the medication had made her sleepy and her words sounded fuzzy to her own ears.

"B?" She was afraid he'd left but in an instant, she felt his weight next to her, his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm here," he lay down carefully next to her. "I'll stay until you get sick of me."

"Mmm," she murmured drowsily, "that's never gonna happen."

He was up by six-thirty, cooking pancakes and brewing coffee, bringing a tray up to her before he had to run home. Rehearsal was at ten and he kissed her lovingly as he bounded back downstairs, greeting a still very tired Natali on the staircase.

"Wow," she yawned, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Guy's a keeper." She perched on her sister's bed, gesturing to the tray on the nightstand. "Breakfast in bed?"

"Too good to be true, right." She slowly lifted her leg at the hip, giving her ankle a few cursory rolls to ensure everything was still in working order. "He called Ashley for me. I didn't even have to ask. I don't think I could've have gotten through last night without him." Her eyes glossed over. "I don't deserve him."

Natali, as always, read between the lines. "That's not just a figure of speech, is it, Stef?" Gently, she ran her hand over Stefani's head. "Oh sissy, you really don't believe you deserve him. That's really what it is, isn't it?"

"He never makes me feel like that," she replied hoarsely, "not in the least. It's on me. It's like this vicious fucking cycle, over and over. Every time there's any kind of pressure, I buckle. I don't want this to fall apart." Her tears were desperate, and Natali folded her in her arms. "I think he's the one, Nat. He's it for me."

"That's a good thing, though, honey." Natali rubbed reassuring circles on her upper back. "He's who you've been waiting for all along. I saw it on set...you guys have this connection; you could feel it."

"I'm scared too, though. It's taken us years to get here and if something comes along to fuck everything up, it's going to shatter me this time. I honestly don't think," she sobbed into Natali's shoulder, "I can take another heartbreak."

Pulling away, Natali gently cupped her face, their eyes meeting. "I can't begin to predict the future and God knows I'm not the expert on love, far from it, but how I see it, what you had in the past, those relationships were very, very different. Bradley's not asking anything from you. Not a thing...not to monopolize your time, not for your patience or to be something that you're not, or your undying devotion. He's not asking for more than you can give him. At least from my perspective," she spoke kindly, devoid of her usual sassiness. "He just...he just loves you, simply put. He loves you. So, when are you gonna learn to accept it?"