Listen to Your Heart

Chapter Sixteen

Her heart did a lengthy tango in her chest cavity the entire drive to Brentwood. Her typical go-to distraction, a usual surefire nerve stopper, was to blast Queen or Bowie or Prince as loud as her truck's stereo would go (which was pretty fucking loud) and sing at the very top of her lungs until she felt calm.

This time, she hadn't turned the radio on at all, choosing to drive in total silence, her brain firing off at a million miles a minute with what-ifs, some of them plausible, some of them so out of left field, that rationally she knew she'd have a greater chance of being struck by lightning than them actually happening.

You very well may make things worse, her conscience poked at her. You're going behind his back and getting in the middle of a situation that isn't any your business...there's a distinct possibility, she'll tell you to fuck off and you know it. You'll do Bradley more harm than good.

If there was something she had in droves, besides stubbornness, it was grit. It was how she'd made Gaga a household name, back when people used to laugh in her face when she told them she was going to be a professional singer. When shit needed to happen, she dug her heels in and made it so; she would never go down without a fight. It was both a blessing and a curse, this tenacity, but sitting idly by while she could do something, anything, was not in her nature.

The gate opened and she drove down the gravel driveway, parking adjacent to Irina's SUV. Bradley, as the other woman had assured her over the phone, wasn't there, though a part of her was on edge, thinking he and Lea would come back earlier than she had predicted. Bounding up the steps and ringing the bell, her nerves began to get the best of her again and she strongly considered the possibility of turning around and getting the fuck out of Dodge.

"Fake it until you make it, bitch," she whispered to herself, squaring her shoulders. It had served her in the past, it would serve her now.

"Hello." Irina opened the door with an awkward wave and immediately, she was thrown off guard. She didn't know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't how unassuming the other woman looked, completely non-threatening in an olive cashmere sweater and jeans, her dark hair thrown up in a ponytail. "Come in."

She led her into the foyer and Stefani was hit with a cavalcade of memories from the last time she had been in the house; putting Lea to bed, making pizza with Bradley, snuggling on the sofa with him. The whole thing had been decidedly domestic and with a wave of guilt, she realized she had been infiltrating Irina's space as well.

Do not let that shit get in your head right now, she coached herself silently. You do what you came to do.

Stepping foot into the living room, she froze, eyeing Lea's favorite pink blanket draped over the sectional, some toys littering the floor.

Irina followed her line of vision. "They're gone for the afternoon. The park, I think it was." She made a concentrated effort to fold the blanket, pick up a few of the toys, anything, Stefani realized, to avoid having to begin an actual conversation. "Would you like some coffee? I just brewed some."

They made their way to the kitchen and it dawned upon her why Irina suggested they meet at the house. It was easier to speak about unpleasant things in your own space and there, she'd be in control, more or less. It was a smart move.

Irina busied herself pouring two cups of coffee, offering cream and sugar, which she politely declined. The entire exchange, all their exchanges since she'd met the woman, had been exceedingly cordial and polite, yet lacking warmth and she'd always wondered if that was because of Bradley.