Tacenda ➵ poems

february

We met in November
Said our hi's in the autumn
Still in doubt from the summers
I've spent in deep slumber
Told you a lie to keep my distance
Waited for you to give up but you didn't
Told myself I should give this a shot

You were a glitch in December
Appear all of a sudden
Vanish before I could catch you
Around that time
Was when the butterflies grew life
It was winter outside
But inside me sprung hope
Even though you killed it
Before it could rise
I knew it was wrong
There was no reason to ponder
We were dead ends
Both hurt from the get go
You opened up your doors
And so did I
A foundation was built
Over the soggy earth soil

January you were gone
I said I didn't care
Even though I couldn't bear
The emptiness in my chest
When I wake up with a tear
My heart yearning for your presence
Yet only greeted by absence
Maybe I loved you
Although I was never supposed to
I broke the fixed rule because I was a fool

February was when it hit the most
I lied to myself again and again
Fought the urges to break from the pain
Every step my feet made hurt
Wandering where you are
You were still gone
Back then I thought I had you in my fingers
But now you slipped
And I don’t know where to reach to get you
Layed on my bed at night talking to the ceiling
Pretending it’s your name

Do you think about me the way I do with you?
Does my voice play in your head in a crowded room?
These questions only you can answer
But you weren’t there to hear them
Part of me knows it doesn’t
Tears gathered from my eyes when it shouldn’t
Days and nights passed I remained
Exhaustion slowly creeping up my veins
You didn’t return

Then came the day I feared
Winter came in with a blizzard
Thick clouds suffocating the sun
My stomach churned from the cold
You cut off the rope and let me fall
Landing face first on the snow
The gentleness on your skin was a facade
For you never really cared
And inside was a storm

Had no choice but give up
I’ve seen this coming
From the start to the ending
You’d talk summer then leave winter
I’d face fall alone and watch through spring
When your storm ended
Thorns were left all over
I couldn’t walk without stepping on another
Blood dripping from my feet like a shower
If I was strong enough to let my roots wither for you
I would be strong enough to grow them back