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mirae flung her bag at the couch, muttering 'i'm home' to no one in particular. as expected ─ though disappointed─her parents went on a business trip again, leaving their house deserted.
she turned on the tv and switched between channels as she sipped the chocolate milk she grabbed earlier on the school's cafeteria. the rest of the day had gone pretty fast earlier as much as she thought, with all the night-walk, getting bruises from an unknown and hitting someone with a ball. the usual craziness, she thought.
having nothing interesting in the tv, mirae went up to her room. she looked down at the bottom of her window, she was surprised that there's still a small ladder underneath where she used it last night to get to her room. mirae thought her parents or the maidservant had taken it down.
suddenly her phone's ringtone went off, startling her.
the caller id were unknown, she was reluctant to pick it up, but mirae did anyways. "hello?"
the other line was silent. "uh, anyone there? hello?" as she was about to end the call, it ended itself, leaving the girl confused. "what the fuck." mirae lightly threw her phone to the nightstand.
she stared at the ceiling, unsure what to do at this point. somehow, on other times she could just play her phone or draw all day, but she doubted she could move a muscle right now.
unconsiously, mirae thought about how much had changed in her family. she and her parents used to be close, they would greet and hug her when she came home from school. now, even on weekends they barely were home.
she used to have a brother as well, a kind one named haneul. mirae smiled at the memories between her and him. haneul would always play and entertain her when their parents were not over.
a lot of things were different from back then, the past used to be bright. mirae was a happy, cheerful kid, she's never bothered by overthinking and worrying too much. but in the present, the girl can't help drowning in her anxiety before sleeping, thinking about all the wrongs in the day or the horrifying things that might happen tomorrow.
often she's busy worrying things that are small and in the past and probably didn't happen. she was trapped in her mind, unable to think clearly, thus she's lacking in many forms of activity in living.
smiling is hard for her if she's told to, if she tried it'll just look weird and forced. a classmate even joked about teaching her how to smile when both of them were stationed at the reception for a school festival. before, she was quite talkative, quick giving compliments or telling when something's wrong. right now, mirae just stayed quiet and pretend it's all okay.
she feels like young ahn mirae is a stranger, someone she had never knew existed. yet pulls her back to the realization that she's used to be better, a girl who has many dreams and hope in her solid black eyes, so innocent and pure, yet determined and bold.
'maybe it was a part of growing up,' mirae pulled apart a split end on her hair 'this could be a phase.'
'then why did it last so long?' she pondered.
the girl reached a small corked glass bottle, inside there were three pieces of amethysts and rose quartzes. the sun's glow hit the crystals, reflecting purpish light in her cold black eyes.
haneul used to tell her to look at the bottle and concentrate on it when she feels sad or anxious. it was just some crystals they picked on a trip from a geological museum six years ago, but it was precious to her. she always put it next to her bed, every time mirae feels like she's about to break down, she closed her eyes and concentrated on the crystals since then.
but now, the little glass bottle just brings her back painful memories. haneul left her and her family three years ago and hadn't contacted them ever since. the night before, she remembered correctly, when mirae was panicking about her new school, haneul came to her room and hugged her,
"hey, don't worry about it okay? i'm sure they'll be nice to you." he ruffled his younger sister's hair.
"what if they don't?"
the elder bent down and patted her cheeks, "then you'll have to stay strong. don't let anyone break the barrier you create,"
perhaps that was what calmed down her nerves, made her sleep peacefully after a whole week of stressing and counting the days she would go back to school, to study at an environment different than before.
that night, never in her wildest dreams, would she thought it's gonna be the last time she'd seen her brother, leaving her void of anything but sadness and longing.
her heart aches remembering that day, the sickly feeling on full force experienced the first time, she feels her grip had loosen up. the gleam in her eyes disappeared, beginning of a downfall. nearly everything turned gray, and she couldn't do anything about it.
and this year mirae might be one step closer to the edge, she doesn't know what to expect or hope of, what future or goal she would pursue. graduation kept nearing her to a corner. in a discussion with her mother, her dull eyes accompanied unexcited words, her ears barely listening.
"hate to break it to mom but her daughter is suicidal."
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╰─────❪ ✉ ❫ SKY! ❝i don't need or deserve your sympathy.❞
