Black Water Rose

Just Yesterday

The thought of relapse often crosses my mind

Is it worth feeling that jolt down my spine

those goosebumps of exhilaration

that weight being lifted off my shoulders?

Three and a half years and it still feels like just yesterday 

I was running a box cutter blade down my wrist

I never really had interest going from left to right

It was always down then up

Pushing deeper until I felt like it was enough

Was it ever really enough?

Was I ever really enough?

Yet

I still sit here, looking at that scar on my wrist wondering 

"What if I went just a little deeper."